Several Ways to Die Trying

"When you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone, or anyone at all..."
"The artist these days are not who you think they are,"
"...'cause I'm scared of myself again."

Just what are you? Just who am I? What am I tring to be, myself? is anyone ever truly tring to be themselves? who are they and how do they find themselves? I don't claim to entirely be myself, and I'm not saying that no one can be theirselves, but I just like to wonder just who exactly is 'yourself?' I believe that the society that we live in has such a great influence on our attitudes, minds, perceptions, and actions that almost nobody can truly be something not part of it. Even those who are trying to be different, rebel against the norm and be a punk, they too are molded by the society we live in: whatever we are they aren't... So if what they thought was cool became a norm in society would they stop doing it...? Doesn't society then have a sway over what they do just as much as anyone else? maybe not....

I once heard a very interesting quote about self-esteem or self image. This is in relation to what has the greatest influence on our actions/attitudes: "It's not important what you think of yourself, or even what others think of you, but what matters most is what you think other people think of you." How about that? Isn't it true though? You may have great thoughts about yourself, but what if others don't? you don't know that, but you sure might worry about it a lot. Perhaps we're all stuck trying to live the expectations that we expect others to give us........ but I guess in that way we are basing our actions off our own perception of what the norm is, therefore doing what we want, or what we think we want... or want to think.

Enter one of my favorite pasttimes: people-watching. I was at a concert the other night full of emo punks and hotshot rocksters, and it was interesting to think about who they really were or who they were tyring to be. A lot can be ready from a persons clothing, speech, and actions. Then as you observe thier age and supposed social status it begins to paint a picture in your head of who they might think they are. I'm not supposing to be all knowing, nor do I pass judgement on these people, just simple observations that I do believe to be generally true, if not for all cases.
Another hobbie of mine is reading the readers fourum in our campus newspaper. Some people have some crazy opinions. They are often very ridiculous filing thier opinions with extreme biases and generalizations. I once again wonder, what are they trying to be? Are they like this in 'normal' life or is this something they only woud say on paper. Some kid criticized the paper for running an article on getting into fall fashions saying that it was worldly and encouraged people to buy immodest clothing, thence becomming immoral people.... WHAT!?!? I think he just isn't in style and therefore was jelous of those who have even a slight sense of what looks good.

In the end I guess I want to say that I don't necissarily claim to be entirely who I am either. I know a lot of what I want and don't want, but I'll be the first to admit that I am very much in flux, chaning daily. I do think it's interesting how 'finding ourselves' pops up often in our society, especially at this time in my life, college students are bombareded with choices and chances. I do though, love love love the Dashboard Confessional song "Several Ways to Die Trying" about trying to be 'normal.' http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dashboardconfessional/severalwaystodietrying.html

OK... so this all stemed from some Panic! at the Disco Lyrics. They have some crazy weird meanings in their songs, and it's interesting for me to know that the lead singer grew up mormon, but is no longer. The song, "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage" is about "how kids today are being raised under high expectations that create pressure and make them uptight" (a good interepretation). Because of my own gospel centered point of view I do know who I am, I'm not weighed down by worldy expectations, but only that which I have learned to be of real importance. Meaning those things pertaining to eternal salvation. The gospel is the aswer to the question I have posed in this post. Just who are we, and what are we doing here? We are children of God, he loves us and we are here to prove ourselves and someday return to Him.