Bring on the Rain

Today I took a drive. I would like to say that I just had nothing to do and a urge to burn gas so I drove around a bit, but that's not true. (I used to be able to like about simple things... I can't now). My sister Kacy was visiting and she needed to be taken to my other sister's (Coleen) house in Holiday, so I took the hour and a half to get her there. On our way there we saw a huge, dark cloud over Salt Lake City with quite the marvelous display of lightning. Not far into the valley we were greeted by the wind, dust, and eventually rain- rain that came down in intermittent sheets, like buckets being tossed out of a window above. We sat in the car in the pouring rain for a few minutes while waiting for Coleen to show up, then I left. It was about 8:30 pm as I was leaving, and while the storm clouds were still overhead the sunset in the west was peaking through creating a beautiful phenomenon known to most as a rainbow. Cursing myself for not having brought my camera I pulled into a radio shack parking lot to take a picture or two from my cell phone, then satisfied that I couldn't do much more continued driving home. Not long after, I saw in my rear-view mirror another beautiful scene as the sun, stretching across the entire valley was illuminating a now glowing neon green strip of the otherwise dull mountainside. Again overwhelmed with the beauty I had to take a picture. I soon pulled onto the freeway and began to drive when I noticed the far end of the rainbow I had previously seen. I followed its curvature as it faded into the storm overhead, but suddenly got starkly brilliant in one section before fading off above the ground. I quickly noticed that the same sun strip illuminating the hills behind were creating this disembodied arc-section of the rainbow. Both the far end and this small section were glowing so brilliantly, so bright, possibly the brightest I have ever seen. I note here my reaction, exclaiming out loud, "Oh my! That is BEAUTIFUL! It's- it's- the gospel must be true"

The depression of not having my camera was only deepened with the thought that I was alone in my car, a thought that goes deeper than just that moment since today I have felt very much alone. Tomorrow my roommate and best friend is going home for the summer, I will no longer have anyone to do everything with and am faced with the rigorous task of developing for myself new friendships, and deepening old ones. It's times like these when true character is displayed, and this week I have learned a little more about myself. Since Kacy was up for the week we had the chance to hang out a little bit, and more than once I chose to be with her, rather than enjoy time with my friends. While I was surprised after-the-fact at such a decision of mine, I wasn't at all saddened by it, nor regretful, but quite satisfied. Then again today in my moment of loneliness, having no one in the car with me I wanted to call a friend and share the moment, even if they couldn't see it. After a moments thought I knew who I wanted to call. (not just who I should or felt obligated to call, but who I really wanted to share this moment with... Erin Kristine Herd (my other, recently married sister). So I did, we talked, and it was good. I was truly able to share with her the moment, and she enjoyed it very much. These experiences have reminded me somewhat of who I am, I am a Murray, and I love my family. So bring on the rain, let the trials and loneliness roll, I have friends in high places who know when I need a rainbow. thanks.

simple pleasures

Yesterday and today I have been volunteering as a Y-Group Leader for Freshmen Orientation at BYU. It has been so much fun, but also very draining! My partner in leading is a cute girl that happened to also be in my math class last semester, it's been really fun to hang out with her, meet a bunch of freshmen, and walk around campus a bunch sharing knowledge. I just woke up from a 2.5 hour nap, and I am so happy. I get to go hang out with Megan again tonight, it's raining outside, and I am going to play starcraft, this day can't get much better ;-)

Art is...

This is going to be kind of long, so please bear with me. First I'd like to start off with an interesting view on art, as told by Jim Adkins of Jimmy Eat World in his blogg:

Jim: I don’t usually discuss what songs are specifically about. But I think Table is worth talking about because it can help explain why that is. I was working at an art supply store off and on in between Static Prevails tour legs. At the end of the month we would be instructed to rip off the covers of the magazines we didn’t sell and box them to be returned. Being a not so great-paying retail gig, the staff would have little remorse just taking the old zines. I would check out Flash Art and Blind Spot. I found myself liking Maurizio Cattelan’s stuff. It was engaging in a way I hadn’t expected. He was the first person I found presenting art in a way that got you to think about what art really is. 


The local art scene was totally different than the music scene. Working at the store helped me find out about openings and showings. My group of friends were living in the university area but no one was going to school. We would hit up any and all openings. It felt like we were infiltrating a secret society, taking all their free food and drinks. Once, one of my dance-based coworkers had a performance on the college campus. It was tied in with some other local people’s work. Some with visual art, some with human-involved installation pieces. While we were outside waiting for my friend’s dance piece to start, there was a girl cleaning the ground with the tail of an all white dress. I think I was the only one of us who noticed. She went behind us and across a courtyard very slowly until she got to a candle lit table that had already been set up. She just sat there picking out the dirt from her dress into a few dozen tumblers. It occurred to me this was intended to be art. I know that sounds funny. This image of her stuck with me and for a while I couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t because I had been searching for some deeper meaning in why she was presenting her piece. It was because I realized it doesn’t matter why. This is the reason I usually steer conversations away from exact, specific explanations of lyrics and song-meanings: there is no correct way to interpret art. And there is no meaning more important or special than the one the listener/reader/viewer decides for themselves. 



He then goes on to talk about how this song just developed over time, creatively. I had read this once randomly through a Twitter link, but it stuck with me, I will probably always remember how he spoke of the meaning of art as no meaning at all. I feel that often in my life when I have tried to be artistic or done something creative, often there is simply too much meaning in what I have tried to do. Writing a song about a girlfriend, or an event. I try to make the song fit perfectly to the situation, and it just never turns out right. I think what I may be lacking is the concept of ‘based on’ where you don’t have to literally tell the story of something that already happened, but you can simply take the concept of it, and tell your own story. It may have the same beginning middle and end, but all the filler stuff is what you can make up, and what truly makes it an artistic endeavor.
So today I thought of it again, let me explain how this came about (I enjoy following the progress of my mind) First I was organizing my iTunes playlists. I get really annoyed when there are too many lists that you can’t really find the one you want, but today I discovered that you can make folders of playlists… so I put all my ‘classic playlists’ into a folder (labeled ‘Classics’ of course). Then I had more room to make a new playlist. I began to make a Car Dance playlist (possibly to be burned someday) for playing in the car and dancing to. It was comprised mostly of techno music, dance-pop and a couple rock songs. Since I was all over itunes I decided to look around the store when I noticed that a new music video was available from The Killers for one of their songs that I love, A Dustland Fairytale. I searched You Tube and found this beautiful video, and was naturally fully intrigued by the meaning behind it. As I watched a little ‘behind the scenes’ spot on it, I heard a quote saying the video was about such and such… which made sense, but to me it opened up my eyes to the idea that this video could mean anything you wanted it too. There is no official yes or no clear cut meaning, but it conveys feelings, attitudes, and emotions to us which we can then interpret for ourselves. Needless to say I was inspired and wrote this blogg.

Let the Sunset in!

"What did I tell you about this window.... Always leave it open!!" 10 points for getting that quote. Moving on, opening windows is a thought that I've been pondering today. A beautiful song I know says, "open the window, let the sunset in..." and it happens to not only be good advice on seeing some beauty in life, but it also a beautiful metaphor for an ending relationship. I believe that this is a great attitude toward life, not only accepting an end, but embracing it. I've recently gone through an ending relationship which has taken me some time to fully resolve within myself. Today I began to feel really good about just opening the window, and embracing the end... although maybe not just quite yet. It's hard to think of what was, and have that empty longing for what there could have been, however I look forward to many beautiful 'sunrays and saturdays' to enjoy with others, friends and lovers alike. Someday I suppose I could be good friends again with my former love (as of right now I'm pretty much avoiding everything about her, just to help me let go).

Some things just don't work out, despite all you put into it, all that you strive to develop and work out together... you find that it simply wasn't meant to be, so it has to end. In such a case there is no blame, there is no resentment, and once both sides can fully realize that neither blames either and truly admit that it just wasn't possible, then I think (I think) that it is perfectly possibly (even natural) to remain good friends. Clearly they have things in common, clearly they were friends before, just being out of a relationship shouldn't stop them being freinds. I do see though, the great importance of having the relationship comletely end before being friends. Today I simply feel that I have taken a good step in the right direction, embracing the end and realizing some of these truths. This song, illustrates much of what I feel today, 'Sunrays and Saturdays' by Vertical Horizon.

Where in the world is....

Today in my History of Creativity Class we discussed the Islam, and the Muslim explosion that took over the civilized world through the dark ages of Europe. We discussed how Spain was controlled by Muslims far into the middle ages and we learned of many of thier influences, one of which was The Alhambra, a palace/fortress built in the 14th century. I remembered/recognized it because of a computer game we used to play about the one and only, Carmen Sandiego. So, "many thanks for the food, now off we go to Fort Jesus."

The past week has represented a large change in my life. I find myself with a lot of extra time on my hands, and I also find myself, in some ways, more relaxed, open, care free, talkative oftentimes, and yet lonely all the same. I've begun a whole new socially experimenting me. It's hard to explain, but especially today and yesterday, I've been returning to a forgotten zone of flirting (something I was never good at) and seeking out social situations. I must admit there is a level of excitement, mostly adventure, not knowing what will happen at any given moment, and despite this exhilaration, I can't quite say it "just what I wanted." We shall see though what I do with this newly re-found freedom.