learning

I had a great weekend watching General Conference.  It was truly wonderful.  I may have more to say later, but for now I just wanted to make a small confession:  I don't usually listen to women speakers.  Not that I think they're completely boring or anything, but their talks are usually centered on young women or women in general and I don't feel it really applies to me at all.

However, this conference perhaps the single most meaningful talk to me what this one from Sister Elaine S. Dalton.  And since I loved it so much, here it is.



Isn't lds.org great?  one day after conference and you can embed videos.

fuel rods

Take a look at these two pictures:

Picture I found by searching google images for:
"Nuclear control rods"

Picture I took of a model that
I made using Google Sketchup

You see the similarities right?  I mean sure the second one is a much more basic computer graphic image and covered on the outside, but they are very similar looking objects.  Which is why I have chosen to talk about this today, because they are not similar in function or location.  In fact you might think I'm crazy when I tell you that I think that a chandelier in the Oquirrh Mt. Temple reminds me of a nuclear power plant.

Image from the church news web-site

Look carefully at the chandeliers in this rooms and you might notice the glass-like rods sticking out of the bottom.  It is these chandeliers that I have tried to reproduce in the model I pictured above.  You might think I'm crazy, but the similarities are undeniable.

On a side note, I love the Oquirrh Mountain Temple.  I tell people that I got married there because I loved the architecture, which is true, but really I got married there because it is a temple of God, and there I could be sealed with my wife for this life and for all eternity.  It just happens to be the most beautiful temple (imho) in the area.  I love the chances we have to go and worship in the temple again.

slogans

It may well be known that I love BYU sports, and of all college sports, I love football the most.  Sitting in priesthood meeting on Sunday for some reason I felt inspired by the slogans/logos released by BYU in the past several years.  Not only are they football themed, but they are very gospel themed as well.  I collected some samples to show:

Fully invested:  

BYU use - be a fan that is fully invested in supporting the team, be a hard working, undistracted (fan/player/coach).

Gospel use - fully invest yourselves in preparing for salvation, don't casually read the scriptures or pray, but really mean everything you do and make it important.

The Quest (for perfection) - thats a little bit self explanatory for both uses.

Rise Up:
BYU use - Coming back from a less than perfect season, it is now time for the Cougars to rise up, and become a national power again.  (which I totally think they can/will)
Gospel use - "Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?" Psalms 94:16.  Also, from Hymn #324, 
"Rise up o men of God, tread where His feet have trod, as brothers of the Son of Man, Rise up o men of God."


Yes, I do think that Bronco has been doing his very best to influence this team spiritually as well as physically, and I agree that a team that is spiritually healthy will perform better physically (due to the fact that much of the game is mental, and spirituality helps mental focus).



Not to mention the constant reference to the original slogan (the one introduced the very first year Bronco was head coach) "Band of Brothers".  At first when I saw coaches and ball boys wearing that shirt at a recent practice I thought they just had some old stuff, but then I realized that its the same shirt that Bronco wears to half of the games:

And they have it front and center on all of their helmets:

 And this year they made a poster/desktop with the slogan

So, Rise up!  Be fully invested in the quest for eternal salvation through faith, repentance and baptism in the true church headed by Jesus Christ himself, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Brigham

It is reported that President Brigham Young once said that he who takes offense when no offense was intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense was intended is usually a fool.

Burning Bridges

On the island of Palawan, on the western border of the Philippines, there is a small fishing on the eastern coast, right in the middle of the norther half of the island. This small town is called Roxas, there are several towns further north which are so far removed that they are home to several resorts, tropical getaways, though you'd be hard pressed to call them tourist towns, they're just that small. Some things I'd like to tell you about Roxas. It's economy is supported by two industries: fishing and cashews. Those who aren't fishermen or farmers run one of the town's few shops, and then there's your random mix of city and church officials and constructions workers. Roxas is a very small town.

I spent four months there and in that time I personally spoke with three of the town's city councilmen. I met with members from every church in town (Adventists, Catholic, INC, Pentecostal (two dif. churches) Baptists, and Muslim) and with pastors from 4 of those. I knew the home and names of the top ten richest people in town, I knew family relations between many of them, and I met several of them. I walked every single street in within the 'downtown' area many many times, and even explored some of the alleyways. I met with school principals, radio announcers, and big business men, but not because I was so cool, or even because I worked so hard to find famous people, it's just that there were so few people that you couldn't help but meet all of these people.

Pictures: (1)Google map image of the entire town (2)me being 'lost' looking for the seashore.

So it's a small town. On the western edge of the town there is a large school run by some Canadian/American charity that takes donations from 'sponsors' and uses the money to teach kids, (a good education can be a very big thing in the Philippines). The only stipulation for families enrolling in said school is that the kids and the parents attend a bible school type thing. It's some strange non-denominational 'We read the bible" hotshots who think that their reading of the bible make them superior to everyone else (and this attitude rubs off on the families).

So those two factors (small town, crazy bible schooled adults) combine to make this story:

I was wandering down sandy walkways going from house to house talking to people, we had taught a simple first lesson at the home of an older lady, and noticed some people watching/listening outside (easy to do since the houses are bamboo and windowless). We left and started talking to those who had been observing us, this one lady was rather stern about not listening to us, but I guess she was too polite to send us away because we got invited in.

Being the great missionary I am, I had her round up all her kids, and bring her husband in from the back room and we began to teach a lesson, however she made me promise that we weren't there to baptize her into our church. Her husband was quiet, and she was compliant mostly agreeing with everything we said, but not really caring. When we started teaching about Joseph Smith and modern prophets I asked her if she believe me, she said yes. I asked her then if she would be willing to follow the prophet, she said sure. I didn't think she quite understood my point so I repeated myself, she once again agreed and said something to the effect of, Oh good, Joseph Smith's a prophet, that's a great thing for him, I read the bible too, and it's a great thing for me. I'm normally a calm guy, but something a her saying "big whoop" about Joseph Smith really caught me on fire, so I did my little logic thing again, saying prophets have authority (sure) Joseph Smith's a prophet (sure) you must get baptized by authority like the bible says (sure) then you have to get baptized in the church restored through Joseph Smith- the one with authority!

She wasn't happy that I told her to get baptized, and I felt really bad that I had told her to, we quickly finished the lesson, got a return appointment and left. The next morning right after comp study I couldn't contain myself to do what we had planned, I had to go back to that house and apologize to her for breaking my promise. Sadly, it was too late to apologize, the bridge was already burned now that family, and likely any one in their neighborhood will listen to the missionaries ever again... and it is sad.

Luckily I had enough success on my mission that I didn't beat myself up too much over that one. Now it serves to teach me a very important lesson on promises, trust, and the influence for bad and good that one man can have.

not today

Remember that part on Toy Story when Woody and Buzz are flying up in the air 'cause Buzz is strapped to that rocket and Wood is all worried that they're going to explode and he says, "This is part where we blow up!" and Buzz suavely replies, "Not today!" pushes the button to release his spring-loaded wings, cutting the duck-tape and allowing them to glide away to safety. ... yeah, I like that part.

So the other day I was feeling very grateful for some of my material possessions, namely my beautiful earphones. A few months ago I posted about the varying quality of the earphones I used, saying how great it would be to have a real nice pair of earphones that could deliver superb quality etc. Well my loving mother read that post and decided that Santa should give me such for christmas, hence I now own a very fine pair of d-Jays, noise-canceling, in-ear earphones. While ecstatic over their quality I was dismayed that I had but my laptop in terms of portable music (translation: I had no iPod), it was still absolutely marvelous to watch movies with my own personal surround sound.

However, before the new semester even started, I was chillin' with some friends talking about Christmas gifts when one friend mentioned they got a new iPod Touch, I jokingly (but slightly serious) asked if I could then have her old iPod nano. She said sure, and I am now a happy owner of a silver, 3rd gen. iPod nano :-D. As I was moseying around campus, listening to some killer tunes, I realized how extremely glad I was for this gift. I think it is a great halmark of a deeply christian person that they may not act nice on an outward, every-day level, but when it comes to the big things they're ready to give.

All I have to say, go world.

Dating vs. Hanging out

I held a facebook discussion recently. Please see the below note and ensuing comments.

Dating versus Hanging Out

the conclusion for me was basically this: communicate. If everyone is perfectly clear in all they say, and communicates what they truly mean then most problems would be solved.

Silence Resolves Nothing. hu.

These feelings I'm feeling

Since beginning my last post I have struggled with defining how I feel about people I know not of my faith. I have given it much thought, and explored my feelings deeply. I have several friends who are not 'mormon,' and I took into account experiences with all of them that allowed me to develop my ideas here. I will try to be very generic in this analysis, but hopefully you can all still understand what I'm trying to say.

First of all, I do not think that this is a feeling that is possessed solely by me, I think this same feeling is experienced by people all over the world, any one person with a good friend, with said friend making decisions contrary to what said person thinks is "right." People are often afraid to offend their friend, such offense rising from one person trying to 'force' the other to do certain things. I say 'force' because they usually don't mean it that way, but are afraid of having their intentions come off that way. People are afraid to ruin their good relationship, a fear driven by not know what their friends reaction might be. So is it fear?

Despite any fear, such a person would continue to have a desire to talk to their friend about religion or making 'better' decisions. This desire (I think) is driven partialy by guilt. They feel guilty that by saying/doing nothing they aren't fulfilling their belief or duty to their religion and thence they feel guilty toward their religion/belief for such betrayal. A second reason for their desire could be because of their sincere belief in this religion, not so much guilt for not sharing, but a robotic programmatic response ('zombie' like you might say) that zealots of certain religions obtain through complete devotion to their religion.

Another (related) reason for their desire could be out of genuine concern/love for their friend. For me, there are a few things in this world that I love above everything else, and I love them because they fill me with joy and make this life worth living. First is the gospel of Jesus Christ (and ever family, friend, truth thing pertaining thereunto). Second is skiing. Finally is Apple computers (awesome technology in general). For me, the joy that I get from these three is enough to cause me to want to share these things with my best friend. When I love someone I want to share with them my greatest joys so they too can be joyful. I am please to report that my current direct link converts (those I've converted, not converts of converts) to skiing number around six, and to Apple around five :-) (Having spent two years doing nothing but 'converting' people to the gospel, my number there significantly higher). The point being that wanting to share joy is a valid reason for having a desire to share religion with your friends.

It goes on in an eternal balance your desire to share counter balanced with your fear of their unknown reaction. And I think for myself the only way to resolve this dilemma comes in the form of a question: Would I still be friends with them if I knew that in the end they would never join the church? Regardless of the fact that we cannot predict the future, lets assume we can, and say that the future says that friend will never share the same beliefs or live the same standards as said person, are you still friends with them?

For one friend of mine, she was never a member of my church, she never shared standards, though she was an overall 'good person'. I do not fear offending her because our relationship was never based in the church. Another friend I made in Washington was in my ward there. Since our parting he has left the church, and I have little desire to see him again, simply because our original connection no longer exists. Finally the friend who sparked this train of thoughts, though our original connection was through the church, or friendship developed over a long period of time and transcended, religion, age, or sexual preference.... Some friends really are forever.

If you read all of that, I'm impressed, if you feel like you just wasted ten minutes of your life please let me know and I'll do my best to get it back to you ;-)

Photons

I didn't cry when my I found out my grandpa died (though I did at the funeral).
I didn't cry when my first 'love' broke up with me (though I wanted to).
I didn't cry when I got fired from the best job ever.
I didn't cry when my girlfriend of five months broke up with me.

I did cry after seeing my best friend for the first time in a year.

Over this past year he's led a life that I don't agree with, a lifestyle that he actually begun about four years ago. He turned 23 this week, making it four years since he turned 19 and decided not to go on a mission, about a year later he turned 20, and turned gay. A bounce house of events moved him from SUU to UVU, back home to Elk Ridge, and finally up to UofU. I saw him a year ago when I first came back down to Utah for school, and hadn't seen him since though we have continued to acknowledge each others existence through facebook, commenting on statuses and pictures and the like.

Yesterday, I went up to Salt Lake (Sugarhouse to be exact) and visited him at his work (Olive Garden). I went at a slow hour so he has plenty of time to talk with me, we talked about school, classes, majors, how different life is now than in high school. We didn't really talk about anything super important, but we talked, and that is what I feel was important. Another old friend of ours works there at the same place, she gave me dinner and cheese cake for free (I will forever love you Loni for that), and I left. I got in the car, started driving home, thinking about how much I fun I'd just had and within six blocks I was crying. I honestly don't know why. I suppose it was partly because I was so happy to have seen them, partly because I was again remembering my great love for them, and perhaps partly I was sad that we weren't better friends.

I want to let it be know that I do not find fault in him, I do not feel betrayed or that he is a bad person. Simply stated, my own beliefs in the gospel of Jesus Christ tell me that the decisions he has made are not the ones that will bring greatest happiness, but I do not expect anyone else to live their life by what I believe, they would then be living my life, and that would just be weird, I believe in agency .... more on that subject: next post.

The Story of Some Talents

I once knew a pair of twin sisters who loved to dance. These sisters, Amy and Emily, had gotten into clogging while they were still pretty young and by high school they were on teams that toured around and they had not only become very good at dancing, but they grew more and more in love with dancing. I met these two in our freshman year at college and they were on some dance team, practicing often and having awesome performances. I was friends with not only Amy and Emily, but also their four other roommates, a handful of some of the funnest people I've ever met. I would often spend my days hanging out at their apartment, doing homework, talking nonsense, doing dishes... you know it's only been four years since then, but I have a hard time remembering just what it was I was doing there. I remember it was relaxing to be at their apartment, I felt at home.

Something I will probably always remember though, was once sitting idly in their kitchen while Emily was cooking some food. As she stood at the stove stirring her noodles (or whatever it was she was cooking) she was softly bouncing as her toes and heels tapped out rhythms from their dance routine. For me it was a small indication of just how much these girls LOVED to dance, more than anything else, and how it permeated their entire lives. I went to a large dance show that winter 'Christmas Around the World' and as I watched them dance I couldn't imagine them being any happier. Their smiles were just so huge and full of joy.

Yesterday I went to the dance devotional and saw them again dancing some amazing pieces, again with engaging and full smiles permanent on their faces. It really made me enjoy the performance that much more because I felt like I really knew how much they were enjoying the performance, and also how much work, effort, and practice they had put into it. I began to reflect on other people I know that shine while performing and I could recall various others who when dancing, singing, acting, or even cooking, would grown between their ears the largest and fullest smile possible. Such a smile is contagious I think, and blesses those who see it.

I think there is a lesson to be learned here about sharing talents. If there's something that you love that much, and you can do it at a performance level then it can truly become a great blessing to those you share it with. Perhaps hidden away in us all is the happiness of doing what we love and it is my prayer today that we can discover it, do it, and use it to bless others.

p.s. in the first picture Amy is the first full face you can see on from the left, and in the second she's up and to the right of the guy right in the middle. I guess she's more photogenic, I couldn't find any pictures of Emily, and actually another of their roommates, April, is also in the ensemble now.

just don't know

Sometimes I get really frustrated with catch 22 type situations, sometimes though I enjoy the futility, weird I know.

I was not as impressed with BYU's offense as the general fandom of Provo. They only scored 21 points in the first quarter because the defense prepackaged and gift wrapped each touchdown for them. But it is a pretty good consolation for me that our defense is that good.

I have been having trouble with α, β, and γ. No, that's not a, b and y, it's alpha, beta, and gamma, and not I haven't really been having trouble with the Greek alphabet, but rather people who I have chosen to label symbolically rather than with their true names. Needless to say, they have been causing me a lot of stress and worry, and the worst part is I really can't do much to fix it.

I passed my physics test last week, I forgot to take my math test.

I need to find a story written by George Durrant, and it's not anywhere on LDS.org nor to be found in a google search. Sad day.

I haven't written in my blogg for a long time, but I really wanted to write something... yay for life.

Coleen

DSC_0028, originally uploaded by guywmurray.

My older sister got married last week. In true Murray fashion her reception was held at a beach, and here is one of the pictures they took just previous to the reception. I looked and looked for a picture that I wanted to post, but I couldn't find the one that was just right, Coleen has a really good (and permanent) fake smile that she uses for pictures. I guess her over-the-top photogenity is counter-ballanced by Bjorn's lack of enthusiasm for picture taking. I guess in that sense this picture is good in showing how well these two compliment and balance out each other.

Repetition

One thing that many of us probably realize, is that Sunday School lessons are repetitive. Not each lesson on it's own, but really... they only publish four years worth of lessons, after that it repeats, not to mention we learn the same stuff in seminary/institute too. That's not to mention YM/YW lessons, which vary only slightly every year, and how many times have we had talks given in sacrament meeting that were simply readings of talks given previously. What I'm getting at is that lessons in the church are repeated fairly often through various means. It is easy to go into a lesson hear the topic, and quickly recall important ideas or even quotes that you've heard in previous lessons on the same subject, a good sign that you're building up a gospel knowledge database.

Today in class we had a lesson talking about Zion's Camp and how the Lord sometimes chastises his people, the reasons for afflictions, etc. and I someone sitting near me made an important comment (one that is fairly commonly used is such a discussion, but one that I think is important to the topic) she's heard at a different time about the three sources of trials, others, our selves, the Lord (the comment was significantly more elaborate than that, but you get the idea). A few minutes later in the lesson I glanced over her shoulder and noticed the notes she had been taking for the lesson. I found it interesting that a prominent feature in her notes was the idea that she herself had mentioned, this 3-source idea. I do not doubt it's importance, nor am I saying that it wasn't an insightful comment, however I did have to ask myself if that was a note work taking.

What is the purpose of notes? I would say, note taking is to help you remember ideas from a lesson. If she knew that thought, used it as a comment to the lesson, clearly understands and knows the concept... why take it down as a note? Isn't the point of a lesson to learn something new? If all we are remembering are some key points that really touched us in one lesson and retaining those same ideas over and over again after hearing the same lesson, then we aren't really learning are we? Shouldn't we look at every lesson as an opportunity for further learning, not just regurgitating the past? I'm not saying I'm perfect or that this girl was wrong, I just think that there were more important ideas that should could have noted as new or more interesting doctrine that perhaps came from another student with good insights, or perhaps even the teacher who's been set apart as a teacher and even is entitled to revelation on our behalf (to a point)? .... just a thought.

Bring on the Rain

Today I took a drive. I would like to say that I just had nothing to do and a urge to burn gas so I drove around a bit, but that's not true. (I used to be able to like about simple things... I can't now). My sister Kacy was visiting and she needed to be taken to my other sister's (Coleen) house in Holiday, so I took the hour and a half to get her there. On our way there we saw a huge, dark cloud over Salt Lake City with quite the marvelous display of lightning. Not far into the valley we were greeted by the wind, dust, and eventually rain- rain that came down in intermittent sheets, like buckets being tossed out of a window above. We sat in the car in the pouring rain for a few minutes while waiting for Coleen to show up, then I left. It was about 8:30 pm as I was leaving, and while the storm clouds were still overhead the sunset in the west was peaking through creating a beautiful phenomenon known to most as a rainbow. Cursing myself for not having brought my camera I pulled into a radio shack parking lot to take a picture or two from my cell phone, then satisfied that I couldn't do much more continued driving home. Not long after, I saw in my rear-view mirror another beautiful scene as the sun, stretching across the entire valley was illuminating a now glowing neon green strip of the otherwise dull mountainside. Again overwhelmed with the beauty I had to take a picture. I soon pulled onto the freeway and began to drive when I noticed the far end of the rainbow I had previously seen. I followed its curvature as it faded into the storm overhead, but suddenly got starkly brilliant in one section before fading off above the ground. I quickly noticed that the same sun strip illuminating the hills behind were creating this disembodied arc-section of the rainbow. Both the far end and this small section were glowing so brilliantly, so bright, possibly the brightest I have ever seen. I note here my reaction, exclaiming out loud, "Oh my! That is BEAUTIFUL! It's- it's- the gospel must be true"

The depression of not having my camera was only deepened with the thought that I was alone in my car, a thought that goes deeper than just that moment since today I have felt very much alone. Tomorrow my roommate and best friend is going home for the summer, I will no longer have anyone to do everything with and am faced with the rigorous task of developing for myself new friendships, and deepening old ones. It's times like these when true character is displayed, and this week I have learned a little more about myself. Since Kacy was up for the week we had the chance to hang out a little bit, and more than once I chose to be with her, rather than enjoy time with my friends. While I was surprised after-the-fact at such a decision of mine, I wasn't at all saddened by it, nor regretful, but quite satisfied. Then again today in my moment of loneliness, having no one in the car with me I wanted to call a friend and share the moment, even if they couldn't see it. After a moments thought I knew who I wanted to call. (not just who I should or felt obligated to call, but who I really wanted to share this moment with... Erin Kristine Herd (my other, recently married sister). So I did, we talked, and it was good. I was truly able to share with her the moment, and she enjoyed it very much. These experiences have reminded me somewhat of who I am, I am a Murray, and I love my family. So bring on the rain, let the trials and loneliness roll, I have friends in high places who know when I need a rainbow. thanks.

The Dream Maker's Gonna Make You Mad...

Interesting how frustrating life can be. With or without outside influences, our lives can become full of frustration, guilt, and anger, why? because of the dream maker. Who is that? Why, it's you! It can be so easy to become frustrated with things beyond our control, yet it is only ourselves and our over obsessive perfectionism that drives us to such anger and frustration. If we could just truly understand that those things aren't in our control then life could be so much more simple.

Today has been an extraordinarily tough day. What do I mean by tough? I mean it is becoming physically difficult for me to continue living. Each time I leave the house, begin a conversation, make a decision, it takes the greater part of my concentrated effort and stamina to do so. I am making me mad today. I am having so much trouble getting out of my own little head and it's bringing me down. There's been to many times today that instead of going on I was so close to just giving up, breaking down and crying... I have a friend who once described a similar situation where, "you just want to cry but can't because you have life to do." that's kind of how I feel today... but I know the sun will come out tomorrow, because the Storm Maker said it ain't so bad, and I know that He is right. I also know that this time is so necessary to my progression, it is simply taking so much from me to do all that I need to do (which is also part of it, since that fatigues helps create humility, which humility is needed to allow sufficient change).

Tomorrow will be better.

The Troublesome Duo

Trials and Blessings....

Two occurrences in life that come too close too often. Example: I get a huge tax return, day later, I get a speeding ticket.... I have a great time performing in dancesport with my super awesome girlfriend, day later, we break up.... point proven. Life really isn't fair, although I think this evens it out a little more. Think of it, those in more unfortunate circumstances sure don't experience quite so much heart break since they're dealing with where's my next meal, and not who's my next date. So in the end I'll try not to complain, but if you don't mind, let me paraphrase one of my favorite bands in saying, "It's giving me hell." Although blessing: I was able to sleep last night :-) and I'm not terribly ill today, just a little on edge. Also I had wicked cool dream where we were plaing soccer and I scored the winning goal... that was random considering I don't really play soccer at all. It was a pretty amazing shot too, although the game wasn't super intense so the defence was lacking at the moment and I had a nice shot and I curved it right into the corner, wow!

I am very baffled over life at this time. Part of me wants to wait patiently while it heals, and another part of me wants to tear it apart 'til it bleeds itself out. I'm scared and trying to be courageous, but the truth is I'm terrified. Most of life I can deal with, most of life's problems I get over pretty quickly, I deal with things and they go away, but I don't know if this is going to just go away....

.... Actually I think it will. Luckily I have great friends, and lots of help in life. I am beginning to remember that life is only what you make of it, and I am going to make this fun... or at least not not fun. I could be miserable and hate life, but that's just silly and I'm ready to have the best life ever. So brighten up sunshiny day! Watch out mr. raincloud, I have no time for you! It's my time now. I'm gonna take those many blessings and let them trump this trial.

Confused at the grace...

I attended a focus group today studying the marketing campaigns of a certain charity group, "Guatemala Children's Project". It is an interesting project taking kids off the streets, out of bad homes, and out of bad orphanages and placing them into a better orphanage with the goal of finding and rehabilitating their original family (they have programs to teach parents conflict resolution) and put them back into their original (but rebuilt) family. It seemed like a nice project. One of the key weaknesses of their marketing was illustrating the importance of saving these children and the magnitude of the problem with homeless and/or orphaned children in Guatemala. Little known fact, Guatemala ranks among the top in the world for child trafficking (children being sold both to foreign adoption agencies and into worse places than an orphanage), and actually it was said that it ranks second only to China in number of children (not percentage, but number, the population difference should give you an idea of the magnitude of this problem). Needless to say, there is a problem and this program honestly is trying to fix it.

Now as I left the focus group I hurried my way across to my New Testament class and we sung the opening hymn, "I Stand All Amazed." I felt quite amazed as I thought on all that I had just heard about these children in guatemala (not only them but people all across the world who live in poverty and problematic socioeconomic situations) and I thought, "gosh dang... i am blessed. How ever did I get to be so blessed." I mean really, here I sit with my $1,000 laptop, accessing the world through the wireless offered by a large university where I study to gain a first rate education so I can make a difference in the world (and also make money to support my family). It's cold outside but I have a nice sweater, good socks, a warm home to return to.... Maybe life isn't really fair, but I guess that gives me all more reason to do what I can to help out. Someday I hope to really make a difference, I don't know how, but I want to really make a real difference.

Life

Life is unfairly good. Well I still have troubles, and hard times, but for the most part things are going well. I enjoyed a day off of I do have a MASSIVE linear algebra test that I need to take either within the next two hours or on Monday (still undecided...) but I'm doing swell in all other accounts. Hopefully I don't sound too prideful, but I'm just gonna 'count my blessings a little'
-I have a job
-I spent a day in heaven this week
-I have a car
-I'm not failing my classes
-My roommates are my friends
-There is a lack of conflict in my life
and more.... but that's all for now

... like the ocean needs the waves.

I've been pondering on the phrase, "all drains lead to the ocean." I believe this is a Disney take on the world-wide saying that 'all roads lead to Rome' although I don't know if that's really where it came from, that's what is certainly sounds like. Anyhow, it's an interesting thought though, and the more I use it the more meaning I see in it. This originally comes from Finding Nemo where the fish in the dentist's tank are trying to escape back to the ocean and try to get into any drain in the office, believing that it will lead them back to the ocean. In the end this is true, and Nemo is able to escape by going down the spit collector drain and later finding himself in Sydney Harbor. I thought it was a clever line and like it quite a bit.

I started to use this phrase on a weekly basis while I was serving as an office elder durring my mission. We would often have errands to run around the city and we wouldn't know how to get where we were going. My companions would sometimes get worried, but I told them over and over again that all drains lead to the ocean, and all roads lead to EDSA. Epifanio Delos Santos Avenue is a large (4-6 lanes in either direction) highway that entirly encompasses most of Metro Manila, if you drive long enough in any direction you will eventually end up back there. So they began to understand that whether not I knew where exactly I was going, we couldn't get too lost because we could always get back to the main roads which would lead us home.

Since being home I've realized that more and more of my life is centered around that idea. For instance, I've driven around Provo quite a bit, but I always get 'lost' around south campus. I just don't have the locations of different landmarks memorized so when I go in that area I just remember that all drains lead to the ocean, and I keep driving, right turn, left turn, right turn, left turn... until I finally drive by the place I'm looking for and it's all good (ok, honestly I don't just drive aimlessly, but you get the idea). Recently I've begun to understand it as a very gospel oriented subject. I may not know all the twists and turns, but I know that eventual out come. All we have to do is, "just keep swimming" and we'll get to where we need to be. Isn't that so true? We don't know which road we'll take, how I'll get there, but I'm headed in the general direction of the Celestial Kingdom and I expect I'll get there someday. Obviously not all roads lead there, but there is a general direction of paths that head there, and I like to think I'm on one of them.

It breaks down into everyday things too like temple marriage. I don't know who I'm going to marry, I don't know when or where, but I just keep swimming, right? Dating different people, finding what I like... it'll lead to the ocean someday, right? Or college, sure I don't know what my grades are right now, but I'm doing my best to head in the direction of graduation... I guess it can be kind of a lackadaisical view on life, but that's me :D It's an odd feeling sometimes when you're swimming and swimming and you don't see or feel the ocean yet. It takes faith and hope, and charity so that you stay happy on they trail.

It's beginning to feel a lot like.....

Christmas time *is* the most wonderful time of the year! It's so very nice to see snow (uh.... well in the mountains) and think of Christmas, and drink hot chocolate, and listen to sweet music. Yesterday I was SO happy to see the most beautiful Christmas tree ever (thanks to Mallory) and it even smelled like a Christmas tree!! I can't wait to get home and see our train, and tree, and all the presents. I love love love it so much. Even on a dismal day like today, I'm sitting at work, there are no calls, life is so boring, at least I have Pandora and Frank Sinatra's Holiday channel to keep me company.

I had a marvelous experience just now so I thought I'd write about it. I was getting pretty bored, wasting all kinds of time browsing the internet absentmindedly.... I took out my head phones for a sec and walked around our little office space and then came back. As I put my earphones back in my overall happiness increased dramatically as I was welcomed by not only a holiday song, but a Christmas song, that's right a CHRISTmas song. I sat and listened to "What Child is This" and was filled with the spirit. I'm so thankful for the 'reason for the season' and despite not having snow, or a tree, or presents at my apartment right now, it's just as Christmas-y as ever. Merry Christmas everyone!!!