not today

Remember that part on Toy Story when Woody and Buzz are flying up in the air 'cause Buzz is strapped to that rocket and Wood is all worried that they're going to explode and he says, "This is part where we blow up!" and Buzz suavely replies, "Not today!" pushes the button to release his spring-loaded wings, cutting the duck-tape and allowing them to glide away to safety. ... yeah, I like that part.

So the other day I was feeling very grateful for some of my material possessions, namely my beautiful earphones. A few months ago I posted about the varying quality of the earphones I used, saying how great it would be to have a real nice pair of earphones that could deliver superb quality etc. Well my loving mother read that post and decided that Santa should give me such for christmas, hence I now own a very fine pair of d-Jays, noise-canceling, in-ear earphones. While ecstatic over their quality I was dismayed that I had but my laptop in terms of portable music (translation: I had no iPod), it was still absolutely marvelous to watch movies with my own personal surround sound.

However, before the new semester even started, I was chillin' with some friends talking about Christmas gifts when one friend mentioned they got a new iPod Touch, I jokingly (but slightly serious) asked if I could then have her old iPod nano. She said sure, and I am now a happy owner of a silver, 3rd gen. iPod nano :-D. As I was moseying around campus, listening to some killer tunes, I realized how extremely glad I was for this gift. I think it is a great halmark of a deeply christian person that they may not act nice on an outward, every-day level, but when it comes to the big things they're ready to give.

All I have to say, go world.

These feelings I'm feeling

Since beginning my last post I have struggled with defining how I feel about people I know not of my faith. I have given it much thought, and explored my feelings deeply. I have several friends who are not 'mormon,' and I took into account experiences with all of them that allowed me to develop my ideas here. I will try to be very generic in this analysis, but hopefully you can all still understand what I'm trying to say.

First of all, I do not think that this is a feeling that is possessed solely by me, I think this same feeling is experienced by people all over the world, any one person with a good friend, with said friend making decisions contrary to what said person thinks is "right." People are often afraid to offend their friend, such offense rising from one person trying to 'force' the other to do certain things. I say 'force' because they usually don't mean it that way, but are afraid of having their intentions come off that way. People are afraid to ruin their good relationship, a fear driven by not know what their friends reaction might be. So is it fear?

Despite any fear, such a person would continue to have a desire to talk to their friend about religion or making 'better' decisions. This desire (I think) is driven partialy by guilt. They feel guilty that by saying/doing nothing they aren't fulfilling their belief or duty to their religion and thence they feel guilty toward their religion/belief for such betrayal. A second reason for their desire could be because of their sincere belief in this religion, not so much guilt for not sharing, but a robotic programmatic response ('zombie' like you might say) that zealots of certain religions obtain through complete devotion to their religion.

Another (related) reason for their desire could be out of genuine concern/love for their friend. For me, there are a few things in this world that I love above everything else, and I love them because they fill me with joy and make this life worth living. First is the gospel of Jesus Christ (and ever family, friend, truth thing pertaining thereunto). Second is skiing. Finally is Apple computers (awesome technology in general). For me, the joy that I get from these three is enough to cause me to want to share these things with my best friend. When I love someone I want to share with them my greatest joys so they too can be joyful. I am please to report that my current direct link converts (those I've converted, not converts of converts) to skiing number around six, and to Apple around five :-) (Having spent two years doing nothing but 'converting' people to the gospel, my number there significantly higher). The point being that wanting to share joy is a valid reason for having a desire to share religion with your friends.

It goes on in an eternal balance your desire to share counter balanced with your fear of their unknown reaction. And I think for myself the only way to resolve this dilemma comes in the form of a question: Would I still be friends with them if I knew that in the end they would never join the church? Regardless of the fact that we cannot predict the future, lets assume we can, and say that the future says that friend will never share the same beliefs or live the same standards as said person, are you still friends with them?

For one friend of mine, she was never a member of my church, she never shared standards, though she was an overall 'good person'. I do not fear offending her because our relationship was never based in the church. Another friend I made in Washington was in my ward there. Since our parting he has left the church, and I have little desire to see him again, simply because our original connection no longer exists. Finally the friend who sparked this train of thoughts, though our original connection was through the church, or friendship developed over a long period of time and transcended, religion, age, or sexual preference.... Some friends really are forever.

If you read all of that, I'm impressed, if you feel like you just wasted ten minutes of your life please let me know and I'll do my best to get it back to you ;-)

Photons

I didn't cry when my I found out my grandpa died (though I did at the funeral).
I didn't cry when my first 'love' broke up with me (though I wanted to).
I didn't cry when I got fired from the best job ever.
I didn't cry when my girlfriend of five months broke up with me.

I did cry after seeing my best friend for the first time in a year.

Over this past year he's led a life that I don't agree with, a lifestyle that he actually begun about four years ago. He turned 23 this week, making it four years since he turned 19 and decided not to go on a mission, about a year later he turned 20, and turned gay. A bounce house of events moved him from SUU to UVU, back home to Elk Ridge, and finally up to UofU. I saw him a year ago when I first came back down to Utah for school, and hadn't seen him since though we have continued to acknowledge each others existence through facebook, commenting on statuses and pictures and the like.

Yesterday, I went up to Salt Lake (Sugarhouse to be exact) and visited him at his work (Olive Garden). I went at a slow hour so he has plenty of time to talk with me, we talked about school, classes, majors, how different life is now than in high school. We didn't really talk about anything super important, but we talked, and that is what I feel was important. Another old friend of ours works there at the same place, she gave me dinner and cheese cake for free (I will forever love you Loni for that), and I left. I got in the car, started driving home, thinking about how much I fun I'd just had and within six blocks I was crying. I honestly don't know why. I suppose it was partly because I was so happy to have seen them, partly because I was again remembering my great love for them, and perhaps partly I was sad that we weren't better friends.

I want to let it be know that I do not find fault in him, I do not feel betrayed or that he is a bad person. Simply stated, my own beliefs in the gospel of Jesus Christ tell me that the decisions he has made are not the ones that will bring greatest happiness, but I do not expect anyone else to live their life by what I believe, they would then be living my life, and that would just be weird, I believe in agency .... more on that subject: next post.

Coleen

DSC_0028, originally uploaded by guywmurray.

My older sister got married last week. In true Murray fashion her reception was held at a beach, and here is one of the pictures they took just previous to the reception. I looked and looked for a picture that I wanted to post, but I couldn't find the one that was just right, Coleen has a really good (and permanent) fake smile that she uses for pictures. I guess her over-the-top photogenity is counter-ballanced by Bjorn's lack of enthusiasm for picture taking. I guess in that sense this picture is good in showing how well these two compliment and balance out each other.

Let the Sunset in!

"What did I tell you about this window.... Always leave it open!!" 10 points for getting that quote. Moving on, opening windows is a thought that I've been pondering today. A beautiful song I know says, "open the window, let the sunset in..." and it happens to not only be good advice on seeing some beauty in life, but it also a beautiful metaphor for an ending relationship. I believe that this is a great attitude toward life, not only accepting an end, but embracing it. I've recently gone through an ending relationship which has taken me some time to fully resolve within myself. Today I began to feel really good about just opening the window, and embracing the end... although maybe not just quite yet. It's hard to think of what was, and have that empty longing for what there could have been, however I look forward to many beautiful 'sunrays and saturdays' to enjoy with others, friends and lovers alike. Someday I suppose I could be good friends again with my former love (as of right now I'm pretty much avoiding everything about her, just to help me let go).

Some things just don't work out, despite all you put into it, all that you strive to develop and work out together... you find that it simply wasn't meant to be, so it has to end. In such a case there is no blame, there is no resentment, and once both sides can fully realize that neither blames either and truly admit that it just wasn't possible, then I think (I think) that it is perfectly possibly (even natural) to remain good friends. Clearly they have things in common, clearly they were friends before, just being out of a relationship shouldn't stop them being freinds. I do see though, the great importance of having the relationship comletely end before being friends. Today I simply feel that I have taken a good step in the right direction, embracing the end and realizing some of these truths. This song, illustrates much of what I feel today, 'Sunrays and Saturdays' by Vertical Horizon.

Confused at the grace...

I attended a focus group today studying the marketing campaigns of a certain charity group, "Guatemala Children's Project". It is an interesting project taking kids off the streets, out of bad homes, and out of bad orphanages and placing them into a better orphanage with the goal of finding and rehabilitating their original family (they have programs to teach parents conflict resolution) and put them back into their original (but rebuilt) family. It seemed like a nice project. One of the key weaknesses of their marketing was illustrating the importance of saving these children and the magnitude of the problem with homeless and/or orphaned children in Guatemala. Little known fact, Guatemala ranks among the top in the world for child trafficking (children being sold both to foreign adoption agencies and into worse places than an orphanage), and actually it was said that it ranks second only to China in number of children (not percentage, but number, the population difference should give you an idea of the magnitude of this problem). Needless to say, there is a problem and this program honestly is trying to fix it.

Now as I left the focus group I hurried my way across to my New Testament class and we sung the opening hymn, "I Stand All Amazed." I felt quite amazed as I thought on all that I had just heard about these children in guatemala (not only them but people all across the world who live in poverty and problematic socioeconomic situations) and I thought, "gosh dang... i am blessed. How ever did I get to be so blessed." I mean really, here I sit with my $1,000 laptop, accessing the world through the wireless offered by a large university where I study to gain a first rate education so I can make a difference in the world (and also make money to support my family). It's cold outside but I have a nice sweater, good socks, a warm home to return to.... Maybe life isn't really fair, but I guess that gives me all more reason to do what I can to help out. Someday I hope to really make a difference, I don't know how, but I want to really make a real difference.

... like the ocean needs the waves.

I've been pondering on the phrase, "all drains lead to the ocean." I believe this is a Disney take on the world-wide saying that 'all roads lead to Rome' although I don't know if that's really where it came from, that's what is certainly sounds like. Anyhow, it's an interesting thought though, and the more I use it the more meaning I see in it. This originally comes from Finding Nemo where the fish in the dentist's tank are trying to escape back to the ocean and try to get into any drain in the office, believing that it will lead them back to the ocean. In the end this is true, and Nemo is able to escape by going down the spit collector drain and later finding himself in Sydney Harbor. I thought it was a clever line and like it quite a bit.

I started to use this phrase on a weekly basis while I was serving as an office elder durring my mission. We would often have errands to run around the city and we wouldn't know how to get where we were going. My companions would sometimes get worried, but I told them over and over again that all drains lead to the ocean, and all roads lead to EDSA. Epifanio Delos Santos Avenue is a large (4-6 lanes in either direction) highway that entirly encompasses most of Metro Manila, if you drive long enough in any direction you will eventually end up back there. So they began to understand that whether not I knew where exactly I was going, we couldn't get too lost because we could always get back to the main roads which would lead us home.

Since being home I've realized that more and more of my life is centered around that idea. For instance, I've driven around Provo quite a bit, but I always get 'lost' around south campus. I just don't have the locations of different landmarks memorized so when I go in that area I just remember that all drains lead to the ocean, and I keep driving, right turn, left turn, right turn, left turn... until I finally drive by the place I'm looking for and it's all good (ok, honestly I don't just drive aimlessly, but you get the idea). Recently I've begun to understand it as a very gospel oriented subject. I may not know all the twists and turns, but I know that eventual out come. All we have to do is, "just keep swimming" and we'll get to where we need to be. Isn't that so true? We don't know which road we'll take, how I'll get there, but I'm headed in the general direction of the Celestial Kingdom and I expect I'll get there someday. Obviously not all roads lead there, but there is a general direction of paths that head there, and I like to think I'm on one of them.

It breaks down into everyday things too like temple marriage. I don't know who I'm going to marry, I don't know when or where, but I just keep swimming, right? Dating different people, finding what I like... it'll lead to the ocean someday, right? Or college, sure I don't know what my grades are right now, but I'm doing my best to head in the direction of graduation... I guess it can be kind of a lackadaisical view on life, but that's me :D It's an odd feeling sometimes when you're swimming and swimming and you don't see or feel the ocean yet. It takes faith and hope, and charity so that you stay happy on they trail.

This fall weather

For the past couple of weeks I've been wandering around campus in awe. Every crisp autumn afternoon was a spectacle of color and beauty for me. I loved all the leafs on the ground and all te colors the were. It was magical to see grass covered in what was like a sandy yellow of leaves, only to get blown around by every passer by. The wind, the leafs, the colors, the sun... it was SO amazing, I love this fall weather we've been having. Many people have been on the complaint the past couple of days about how cold it has become and how much they hate winter, but guess what, I still love this fall weather we're having, and yes this is still fall weather.
I think it's about time that BYU students accepted the fact that snow is not only a 'winter' happening, but infact very much a part of fall. In fact snow falls well into the spring in higher elevations, and the presece of snow does not denote winter. I think that red and yellow leaves poking out of a thin layer of snow is just as beautiful as they were all dry and crackly.

I thought it funny of myself to enjoy this fall weather we've been having so much, I don't remember loving the fall colors so much ever before. I think this is because I haven't seen fall colors for a couple of years and it's like seeing it for the first time, which I LOVE. That goes for the snow too. I've always been excited for snowfall, but I think this year I'm just a little more anxious since this will be my first time living in snow for the past two and a half years. And on that note I am SUPER excited for the snow to fall, for the slopes to open, and for me to go skiing!!!

Hey Wyoming:

Hey Wyoming:

UP YOURS!! That’s right, our defense scored more points that your offence today. That’s right, the referees called every penalty in the book… and we still won. BYU dominance is beginning to be established in the MWC. Actually after the fourth quarter I feel more like saying "hey Ref, up yours!" Did you know that there are only 40 possible penalties in the game of football (that’s including ‘using helmet as a weapon’) and I think today, some referee woke up thinking he wanted to call all 40 of them, well you got about 80% of them buddy! But despite of the numerous delays and set backs of the day, BYU once again forced a shutout in LaVell Edwards Stadium. The offence took a little while to get in the groove, but once they were going it was a cake walk to 27 points in the first half (12 of those coming from the defense). Once again BYU was able to play many of their second and third string players in the third and fourth quarters, which still held Wyoming scoreless. GO COUGARS!! Kudos though to the Cowboys, they may not have scored, but they did play a good game, nearly equaling the cougars in rushing yards, and actually having more time of possession than the cougars. It’s too bad that they just couldn’t make anything of it. Then in the fourth quarter, QB Dax Crum (sadly, not from Bulgaria) was sacked big time for a fumble, leading to another three points for the cougars. I guess that hit busted his ego more than him because he didn’t come back into the game after that. I guess it’s acceptable, good game Dax, maybe next week you’ll have better luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

on a different note:

As a child I attended many BYU football games with my grandparents, who while residing in Long Beach, CA, loved BYU football that much that they would buy season tickets. Of course we know a season consists of multiple games, and my grandparents couldn’t go to all the games with just themselves, so naturally we were often the beneficiaries of very loving grandparents, going to the game, eating ice cream, and learning all about the important sport of football. What a impact that has made on my life. I would like to thank Wendol Murray for his love for me, as well as for all the games he took me too, all the plays he explained to me, and for his help, even in my life today. Today as the cougars took the field and the crowd sang the fight song I knew that he was there. I hope you enjoyed the game, I love you grandpa!

People...? or not two people?

So I recently attended a well hyped sporting event... okay, so it was like the biggest BYU game EVER to a sellout crowd at our humble stadium, and I noticed some interesting things about the behavior of people. Before any BYU secret police read this and try to silence my insolence, please let it be known that I do in fact bleed blue, I am a true cougar fan, and I even stood up for the WHOLE GAME.... (except for the few minutes in the fourth quarter when I nearly threw up...)
So the game is getting close to starting, the stands are nearly full, and here come our BYU cougars out of the locker room.... the cheering and screaming crescendos as the players come running out, bearing the school colors and the flag of 'Tradition'. For the '05 season BYU adopted a new theme for its football program, the new coach wanted to go back to the roots of good BYU football, adorning the old style 'Y' logo and using the tagline, "Tradition, Spirit, Honor" in many of their advertising campaigns. It's been a good thing for them, the team has done well and the merchandise has sold nicely... But back to the game, they all came busting out of the tunnel hyped up to a roaring crowd and waved their banner all over the place. It was a thing of beauty.
Moments later, probably less than a minute after they roar had subdued, it was announced that the UCLA Bruins were now taking the field. Now if any of you know anything about college football, UCLA is a team to be respected. In the past twenty years they've only had five losing seasons. They hold a NCAA record for eight straight bowl victories. They have produced multiple NFL greats including hall of famer Troy Aikman. It's true that the past year has unnaturally pushed UCLA and BYU into an odd rivalry with the Bruin's regular season win last year at this same game, and then in the Las Vegas Bowl losing to the Cougars over a PAT... I'll admit there was a bit of rivalry felt going into the game, but what I heard as UCLA took the field saddened my heart. BOOOOO BOOOOO!!!! The crowed actually Boo-ed them, can you believe that!?!? I don't think we even got BOO-ed when BYU took the field at Husky Stadium last week, and here we are, loving, kind christians, demeaning our fellowman, and what for? nothing! nothing at all! Perhaps had they shown some hostility or said something unkind, but no, they hadn't. Our loyal blue bleeding fans couldn't allow that slightly lighter blue to taint their raging veins. (that reminds me of M:I 3, when the bad-guy says he'd bleed on the flag to make sure the stripes stay red.. when he is the one screwing them over.)

Truth be told, this un-sportsmen like conduct was short lived. I think those 'boo-ing' were soon hushed by their close companions who actually had a conscience. Eventually the game began and not a person in the crowd were ready for what was about to happen, and if they had, perhaps their reaction would have been different. In fact the intense rivalry continued for quite some time. Near the beginning of the game there was a UCLA pass that the wide receiver grabbed, bobbled, and caught just as he was landing out of bounds. The crowed was outraged to see the referee indicate that it was a fair catch and counted for UCLA first down. People were once again boo-ing and calling for a review of the play. It wasn't more than twenty minutes later when almost the same thing happened to a BYU wide receiver. He barley caught it barley in-bounds, but of course there were no calls for a review of the play. There wasn't anyone there to complain that he was practically out of bounds when it was caught, and play went straight on.

As the game waned sour for the Bruins the jeering from the crowd became less and less, but it was still into the end of the second quarter with a 35-0 BYU lead that the crowed was still overly upset at the referees giving penalties to BYU. Some people just couldn't conceive that UCLA should be given any respect at all. For me it was about the time that their field goal was blocked, retrieved, and gave way to another seven of BYU's points that I actually started feeling bad for them (regardless of what the crowd was doing). The BYU offence simply played flawlessly. The defense was rock solid. The home crowd was supportive and deafening at times, roaring for the D, and hushed in awe for offence. It was truly an amazing game, and yet it struck me odd that into the last quarter when BYU started to play it's second and third string players and UCLA still was not able to produce any points, nor stop the cougars from driving the painful score even higher. In the end, it was just a tough game for UCLA, and I think that those 'boo-ers' at the start of the game just may feel stupid for their childish act. Perhaps so... perhaps not. I for one hope that UCLA is able to recuperate and have a winning season despite this devastating loss.

My one other consolation for this game came from a KSL new slideshow from KSL.com (this is their picture). After UCLA had lost a TD to a fumble they started off the drive with a kickoff return of about thirty yards only to end in tragedy as fullback Trevor went head over heels into a tackle and upon finding himself on his head dropped the football, which BYU recovered and made quick work bringing it back to the end zone. The good part here was this picture, even after having fumbled, and amid the joyful cries of the BYU defense Trevor was not left alone, but helped up by none other than a BYU lineman. Well, thanks whoever that was. You're a hero in my book.

Go World

Maybe it's not where an athlete's from
that makes us root for them
Maybe it's not the flag on their back
or the anthem that we hear when they win
that makes us cheer
Maybe it's simply that they are human.
And we are human.
And when they succeed,
we succeed.

GO WORLD

I don't know about anybody else, but I LOVE this advertising campaign. I really could care less for visa, but the ideas they're portraying here in 'Go World' is just amazing, and I really love it.. times four.

In our family, when it is getting close to our birthday we post a small 'wish list' of thing that we'd like to get, and for as long as I can remember my Dad has always asked for 'World Peace' or 'Love at Home' and I kinda thought it was silly. Now, however, I kinda get it.... May we all pray for our world, a little more often.