Gray

So in titling this post I had to pause and decide if I should use 'grey' or 'gray'.  For some reason I'm much more partial to 'grey' but the "traditional american spelling" is 'gray' so we'll stick with that.

So in (approximately) 10 days and 22 hrs BYU will host (presumably) nationally ranked Oregon State in BYU's annual homecoming game.  This is a special game because BYU head coach Bronco Mendenhall is a graduate and former assistant coach of Oregon St.  Also it will be the cougars first real test since barely loosing to Boise St. and the first of three huge and difficult games that make up the meat of BYU's schedule this year.

Finally, it is also the first time that BYU will not wear white, or blue as their primary color.  I'd like to say that BYU has been a uni-staple, but between 1999 and 2004 they went a little crazy with uniform ideas, but in 2005 settled back down into the tradition.  This month all that tradition gets a little tweaking with a (jumping on the bandwagon) black out.

In the uni-watching world we call this BFBS, and black for black's sake is generally frowned upon, as is grey for grey's sake, or pretty much using any color that isn't one of your team's official colors.  But I don't care, these uniforms are gonna rock.  Why? because I said so.  While this comes as a surprise, it's not quite as jaw-dropping since the idea was leaked back in April.

All this thought of BYU uniforms makes me want to compile an awesome database of their uniforms... but for now I'll leave you with the beautiful pictures of BFBS.

You're probably wondering why I called this post Gray, well it's because of this beauty.  That grey with the blue!  ohh it is soooo good!!! I LOVE IT!  if they did one thing right here, it's the use of grey.  boom.

Po-po-police-ece-ece

So today the BYU Police Beat intern from the Daily Universe must have gotten back from summer vacation because they just tweeted a million and two police beat lines, dating way back to last year even.  Anyhow, if you don't follow them on twitter do so (if you don't have twitter do so first, and follow me while you're at it) it's quite funny to hear about the mischievous deeds committed on BYU campus.  

Today though as I watched the many, many tweets roll in I began thinking... why do they have a police beat?  So many of them are so ridiculous, and stupid, and pointless.  I remember while I was a student making fun of the campus police due to the stupid calls they had to respond to.  Today however I began to see that it's not the police that are stupid, it's the people calling in these things that are the idiots, and perhaps the police beat is being published to let people know that not every suspicious looking person is a rapist.

If you think about it, there are kids attending BYU who have just come from very dangerous places.  People who grew up in inner cities and/or downtowns of pretty much any large city will have been close to murders, rapes, gang fights, and all sorts of cray stuff.  Coming directly to happy valley, you might not realize that those things only happen once every few years in Provo.  A lot of people are paranoid and worried about these horrible things happening to them, but the BYU police beat is there reminding students every week, that those kids hiding under windows are probably playing hide & seek.  Here are some tweets from today that I think might be a hint to those paranoid people that you don't have to call everything into campus police.

• There was a call reporting two suspicious people sleeping on a sidewalk. Officers arrived and discovered they were not sleeping and were not on the sidewalk. They were lying on the grass talking to each other.
• A middle-aged man was reported laying in the grass with his shirt off outside Helaman Halls. The man was not breaking any laws so officers let him be.
• A person was reported to be lurking in the shadows at 67th and Wymount at 12am. It was a lost parent of a tenant.
• A female tenant looked out her kitchen window and saw a guy dressed in dark clothing staring back at her. Officers were called to the scene, but couldn’t locate anyone matching the description.

It seems to me that the police beat (while containing some useful information) is used primarily to try to get less pointless calls made to campus police, and also to get people to lock up their bikes (maybe double lock, and maybe take the front tire into your house).

Now you're just singing like you used to... oh.

So I stumbled upon this article recently, (Ok, 'stumbled upon' makes it sound like I got it from "Stumble Upon" which I didn't, I just follow mashable and you should too) and I though, gosh there sure are a lot of covers!  I wonder how many of them really suck?

I am a huge fan of this song.  I'm thinking of doing a cover of mine own one day (and it will involve amazing instruments I can assure you).  But there are certain elements that shouldn't be changed in order to preserve the greatness of this song.  One of the most important things is the male-female voice exchange.  Including both voices brings the song up to a higher level, one that simply cannot be reached by a single voice or even a male-male combo.  That's probably my biggest peeve, with many of these covers, I'll explain more of them as I go along because now I'm going to rate all 18 of these covers... (please feel free to skip/skim the rest of this post).

Original
Great song, strong vocals from both guy and girl (that's why they're professional musician, right?).  The instrumentation is nice, gives it a haunting feeling which adds a lot to the song.  Video is weird, and unimportant.

Glee Cast Cover
One of the worst covers here, guy-guy is never good, their voices sound so similar  you can barely tell there's two singing.  They do do a good job of keeping the feeling and meaning of the song.. as long as you don't actually watch the video, then you just stare awkwardly as they awkwardly stand next to each other in an oddly lighted high school auditorium... awkward.

Lindsey Pavao from 'The Voice'
So she has a decent voice (although I'm still not sure she deserves to be on the show).  Tempo changes = sucks.  I think she's trying to be a little too stylized and different, and I think she totally butchers it, I agree with Adam Levine on why it's bad (only he puts is way too nice).

Elsie and Philip from 'American Idol'
After hearing 'The Voice' interpretation of this song I was expecting to really hate this one, but going back to the male-female interchange makes up for a lot.  Their voices are a little weird, I think American Idol is more about stage presence and looks than it is about voices though.  They do a good job of keeping the proper feeling and mood of the song.  Also the B&W graphics are suh-weet!

Walk off the Earth
I don't love the way he sings it.  With all the musical tallent they have boxed inside this frame you'd think they could have lowered the key a bit so he wasn't so strained on the vocals.  Other than that I LOVE the instrumentation on this video.  It does a wonderful job of preserving the mood especially if you watch the video, all black clothing makes her blond hair stand out and helps the mood (and her voice is great).  In the chorus you can feel the angst, which is important.  His not-so-great voice actually makes it all the more angsty.

PS22 Chorus
These kids totally rock.  Not the best cover, but they're kids and the main kid has an amazing voice for a 5th grader.  You loose some of the mood with the kids, so it's not so great as being true to the original, but it's still surprisingly good.  You should check out more of their videos.

Peter Hollens ft. Evynne
Crazy cool video here.  I don't love the "Ooo Ooo" background music, almost a little too ghostly.  Oh and it just drives me crazy how he looks like a creepy alien when he's arranging his face!  His all a capella style is unique to this list and I like it.  He gets the haunted mood too much, and just barely misses the angst level (his face looks mad, but his voice is so smooth it doesn't seem like he's upset at all).  Twisty face girl's voice is great, and the twisty face is a great effect, but he could have used her voice more than he did.

- take breath, stretch your legs and get set for 7-12 -

Army of 3
Who doesn't love Ingrid Michaleson?!  Watching this video helped me to learn the notes to play for when I do my own cover... someday.  Her soulful singing fits pretty well into the mood, and the bass/snare combo does great too.  I like that she says "nothing" and not "nothin'," nice style.  Missing out on a male voice here, but I can get over it.

Boyce Avenue
One guy singing and playing the guitar.  Slower tempo than normal, and lack of interesting instruments (hands as drumsticks do not count) make me yawn, and move on to the next video before realizing that at least he has some passion in his singing.

Sam Tsui
He does one great thing that, while subtle, makes this effort worth a listen.  He sings the girl part like a girl.  Props to him for even trying, and he pulls it off ok.  Also vocal percussion is well done, but the electronic sound of the background vocals isn't so hot.  It's decent.

Pentatonix
Five voices get five stars!  It's great to sing a capella by yourself and all, but singing with other people is special.  Rock out camera man also gets five stars.  The mood is a little off because it's so acoustic, but it's not bad.  All the back up and percussion vocals are great.  Water drop noise FTW!

Tim Whybrow
Why you gotta slow it down so much, why bro, why?  The glass bottle instrumentation is wonderful, but other than that the mood is a little lost on too much guitar, too much sadness, and too many earings.

Jake and Madilyn
They've both got fine voices, but they forgot about this thing called tempo and they turned this exciting and engaging song into a lullaby.  A very nice sounding lullaby, but the angst has all turned to tears.  If you want a peaceful rendition to play before you go to sleep, choose this one.

- ok break time again -  turn off this song, find someone to love, and go outside....
- 13-18 coming up now

Chris and Kirsten
Uh... they're like what 14?  They used the original sound track and added in their electronically adjusted voices... boo.  They do get points for the awkward dance in between singing.  If one of these covers understands teenage angst, it's these two pimple studded stars.  Costuming is also a plus here... but I'm not judging videos, I'm judging covers.

Olivia and Corey
I like the heavy rock sound, it's a good rendition.  Good voices, good instruments (although the continuos off beat chord is a little over balanced) and a good cover.

Freak Morice
Woah! they've got accents to the max(ents)!  Turns out they're from Australia so props for being a fan of/covering your own countrymen.  They probably covered this before most of us americans had even heard it.  Alas they're only 14 and I think they could have put a lot more emotion into this, and I'm disappointed that really only one girl has the lead.

Gavin  Mikhail
Piano rendition is suprisingly well done.  The angst and passion come right through with the pounding of the ivory, but his passion is clearly in the playing and the singing is just a byproduct.  It's about as good as you can get using only one instrument.

Chester and Tiffany
His voice sounds a lot like Chris (the 14 year old in teal,) they must have used the same filter.  Tempo is a little off, but it fits in okay with their country rock beat.  This one gets points for just being different.  Country is not my favorite, but here they adapt it well with out too much twang.

Michael and Max
er... umm... ok, I'm about out of words for the guitar-only cover.  meh.


After those covers there are two parodies.  The first is pretty funny but not amazing, the second is wholly inappropriate and not worth watching.  But what is worth watching is this music video I found independently.  Points on that one for the editing and funny kids.

BCS comps

So I like computers, and I like college football, and college football uses a lot of computers to determine rankings.  It logically follows that I would be very interested in these computers, which is why I have bookmarks to the sites for all six BCS-used computer ranking systems.

In looking ahead to tonights BYU game against TCU, I though I might go see what the computers thought might happen, so....

One computer (Massey Ratings) actually has links for 'predictions' and 'matchups' where you can enter in particular match-ups and see who would win, as well as see predictions for the upcoming games.  It says that TCU has a 78% chance of winning the game, and by a predicted score of 34 to 24.  Maybe not the best chance, but it's the same percentage that said Notre Dame should have beat USC last week, just sayin'. (btw Massey has TCU and BYU ranked 53, and 54)

Moving to more promising news, two computers have BYU ranked higher than TCU.  The Colley Matrix BYU 41, TCU 42 and the Anderson-Hester computer, BYU 41, TCU 45.  Close margins, I know, but still.  (Colley Matrix is 'unbiased' meaning high scores don't matter, and A-H prides themselves on being the best rater of what a team has accomplished to date, not a great predictor)

Then there's the other three computers that have TCU above BYU, but again, by pretty close margins. The Billingsley Report TCU 41, BYU 50, Peter Wolfe TCU 43, BYU 47 and finally the Sagarin Ratings TCU 46, BYU 55.  And finally there is a page on the Massey Ratings site that shows the ranking of teams based on the averages of all the computers (both BCS official and others), there TCU is 33, and BYU is 51.... not boding so well for the cougars in this one.

But really, computers can only take you so far.  They fail to truly predict the outcome of games though they come close.  From a more human perspective, neither team has won any super difficult games, TCU's 'best win' came over #51 SD[iego]SU, while BYU's is over #76 SJ[ose]SU (basically the same team, minus Ronnie Hillman). Their strength of schedule and records are actually pretty similar.  Both have lost to two good teams (ok, so Utah's not so great, but the were better before losing Wynn) and both teams have beaten up on inferior opponents to look good (Idaho St., New Mexico, Portland St.)

If I were a betting man, I might put a few dollars on TCU.  But it is a really, really close call.  I still believe that BYU can win this one, they are an improving team, and this will be the big test for them (since their next three games they will actually be favored to win).

And now it's only 7.5 hrs until kick off.  :-D  I'm excited.

The QB debate

So it's been a little over a week since BYU nation began the great QB debate, Jake Heaps or Riley Nelson.  It seems that a large portion of fans think Riley is a much better option than Jake, chanting his name at the Utah State game to get him put in the game.  It seemed quite obvious to me that Riley would start this game against San Jose State.

Really, the only thing Riley adds to the game is his ability to run.  He is just as inconsistent (if not more so) of a passer as Jake Heaps is, throwing two interceptions (almost three) this game.  His running ability though does do a lot for the game, giving the ability to pick up 5+ yards running when his receivers get covered and getting him to move the pocket and give more time for plays to develop and get open receivers.

I think though that the biggest difference is not in these stats, unlike baseball, football is much more of an emotional game.  Think of it this way, Heaps, the sophomore going deep to the freshman Apo.  On the other hand you have Nelson, the junior going deep to the senior Jacobsen.  leadership is everything and the players respect their elders.

I think Riley will continue to start our games.  I think Jake will get time to play in the 3rd and 4th quarters in the games against Idaho State and New Mexico State, (and maybe Idaho). And he will continue to improve and in the future Heaps will be the great BYU quarterback that has been expected of him.

fuel rods

Take a look at these two pictures:

Picture I found by searching google images for:
"Nuclear control rods"

Picture I took of a model that
I made using Google Sketchup

You see the similarities right?  I mean sure the second one is a much more basic computer graphic image and covered on the outside, but they are very similar looking objects.  Which is why I have chosen to talk about this today, because they are not similar in function or location.  In fact you might think I'm crazy when I tell you that I think that a chandelier in the Oquirrh Mt. Temple reminds me of a nuclear power plant.

Image from the church news web-site

Look carefully at the chandeliers in this rooms and you might notice the glass-like rods sticking out of the bottom.  It is these chandeliers that I have tried to reproduce in the model I pictured above.  You might think I'm crazy, but the similarities are undeniable.

On a side note, I love the Oquirrh Mountain Temple.  I tell people that I got married there because I loved the architecture, which is true, but really I got married there because it is a temple of God, and there I could be sealed with my wife for this life and for all eternity.  It just happens to be the most beautiful temple (imho) in the area.  I love the chances we have to go and worship in the temple again.

The Holy War

You might have to em-biggen the video to see it well enough.

Basically I thought it was silly to hear BYU fans say, "We've won 3 of the last 5."
While Ute fans retorted, "We've won 6 of the last 9!"
And really, you can manipulate that statistic to serve your team anyway you want.
(BYU has won 26 of the last 39, including a 18 out of 20 stretch!)

So the only way to truly understand the game and the record of the teams is in a dynamic fashion, charting wins overtime.  I made this graph in Excel and animated it using Visual Basic.  I'll try to get the file uploaded somewhere somehow so you can download it and play with it yourself if you like.

For now, enjoy this upload.  It has some explanatory notations and I've included my analysis afterwards.

What do we learn from this?  

We learn that the series has been VERY close for the past 6 years.  

From 2002-2005 Utah took over (surprisingly the time  when Championship machine Urban Meyer took over and the Utes BCS-Busted the Fiesta Bowl).  

It was pretty even again for a while until the early 90's throughout the 80's and into the 70's (the height of BYU's program under Lavel Edwards) when BYU won 18 out of 20 ('72-'92).  

Ute fans will of course point to thier recent success saying they've won 6 of the past 9, but oh wait, not a single player on their team played for the 2005 team, so really they can only claim more recent history of which BYU has won 3 out of 5 (some BYU players have been on the team for all 3 wins).

So... It's close game, and an AWESOME rivalry.  I'm glad to see that The Holy War has even gotten some national media attention over the past few years, and I hope to never see an end to this great game.

This link should be an excel file, right click to download.

Remember to ENABLE MACROS to have the buttons work properly.

Also, sorry I was too lazy to make a 'reset' button.

Hand signs

So my last post got a little distracted with my slight obsession with those Nike gloves, so back to the point...

Hand signs are cool, not just as a "We just scored so throw your hands up!" way, but also in a passing on the street, simple way to show your team spirit.  However they aren't the easiest thing to have.  Ignoring the new glove-palm salutes, only five teams that I know of have hand signs.  So please, if there are other widespread hand signs let me know about them.

As I drove on the freeway in Salt Lake County (U of U territory) I passed a man with a BYU sticker on his car, and I wished that BYU had a hand sign that I could have flashed, letting him know that I too was a BYU fan.  Alas, the only think I could come up with was a sign language Y, but that's not a BYU tradition, so I didn't

Now, about those teams that do have signs:

Perhaps the most well known sign, Hook 'em Horns:

Then there's the growing in popularity Oregon O:

If I ever attended an Oregon game, I'd buy these.

TCU has it's "Horned Frog" although it looks nothing like a frog (or horns for that matter):

The University of Miami (FL) has their U shape:

probably my 3rd or 4th fav of the gloves

Some would argue that Utah also has one, but there's a debate about the U symbol...

And one I just found out about this past weekend, the ASU pitchfork:

And through my searching I came across of few less-well known others (the Houston Cougar Paw, the Villanova V?) but nobody really cares about those so we'll leave it at that.

Some are cool, others are weird, but hand signs (sadly) are not for every team.

NCAAF Gloves

Quite a bit of hullabaloo has been made recently regarding hand signs in college football. Over the past year or so there have been a flew flags thrown over 'excessive celebration' relating to the using and showing of hand signs after touchdowns.

Most recently, Fox Sports' Mike Pereria complained that the Oregon Ducks should get penalized similarly for their O sign.  Then after further clarification from officials and administrators he recalled his statement, saying that flashing the hand sign was ok to use in a 'non-taunting' fashion.

This is probably a good thing, since more and more teams are getting awesome gloves that make for sweet glove-palm salutes.

Entré Les Photos!

UGA

Oregon State

U of Miami (FL)

Horned Frog (TCU)

TCU

Stanford

Boise St. (probably the best design)

Army

Navy

Michigan State

LSU (totally awesome)

Florida

Florida State

Alabama

Texas

Nebraska (a little over kill with the 2nd pair)

And if you want to see more Nike Pro Combat Unis take a look at these news stories from the first three years of uniform releases.  First Second Third

Apple and Amazon

Two of my very favorite tech companies, that until recently, have held their place in very different parts of the technology world.  Slowly though, over the past two years or so, Amazon has been creepin' in on Apple's turf, and even going beyond in someways.

Amazon started with mp3 sales.  Something they've really promoted with college students.  After I bought some books from Amazon (using my free 1-year amazon student account) I was awarded with $20 towards mp3s at their online store.  I think in all I've recieved about $35 worth of free mp3s from Amazon, showing that they really want me to explore their store, and they often have really good $5 albums (two of which I've bought).

Then this spring the launched their cloud player, a huge step up and above almost any other company's cloud based music services.  (The greatness or lack thereof is still in debate after some server blackout issues).

Amazon also began to offer movie downloads/streaming and soon created an app store for both Android devices and general PC applications (I got the free AirPort Mania, not a bad game).  And now they're poised to strike at the near monopoly Apple has on the tablet market.

Everyone knows that the iPad rocks, and that all the imitators really just don't cut it, especially when they're just as, if not more expensive than the iPad.  This is where Amazon steps in and slashes away at the tablet market

http://techcrunch.com/2011/09/02/amazon-kindle-tablet/

With prices to beat the iPad and an online media store (probably bigger than Apple's) the next generation Kindle is likely going to become the next hottest device in America.  I already think the Kindle has some great stuff going for it, and it is only going to get better. 

So now I am faced with a hypothetical dilemma, if I were to stumble upon several hundred dollars to be used in the purchase of a personal media consumption device, which one would I pick?  $499 for the baseline iPad, or $250 for the Kindle, but then you get the rest of the money ($249) to spend on accessories, apps, music, and movies...  That's a tough choice!  You know that if you bought an iPad it would be nearly worthless without at least some money put into useful apps...  It's a tough decision, and luckily not one I have to make anytime soon.

On a strictly media standpoint, Amazon offers media at lower prices, so I might be inclined to go with that.

Face it with a smile

This is a somewhat exaggerated view-point, and just a compilation of thoughts I once had (written Feb. 7).  I am re-posting it now (June 8), because I don't believe in surpression of the press.


Today I had some deep thoughts about a friend of mine. This friend has a problem, a problem not commonly seen as a problem, but over the past several months I have grown to know this friend, and even more so in recent weeks, and I have grown painfully aware of this problem of hers. She has a problem with sarcasm. Do not think I am criticizing anyone for being sarcastic, I am a strong advocate of sarcasm and its many uses in our life (I think that life has a way of being sarcastic itself), I have just seen that for this friend of mine sarcasm has become somewhat of a problem and hinderance in her life.

I watched her today struggle slightly in relating some of her feelings, her true thoughts and emotions that she was trying to express were still masked behind her consistent sarcastic stream. It was not only today that I began to see this problem. Recently in her life she has been experiencing some very important growing experiences, times requiring a serious face and a mature attitude, and while she has continued to laughingly postpone some of these there have been those where she has forcefully swallowed her habits and become a serious person for the moment. Today she again fightingly got through a serious situation and was reasonably serious, though her sarcastic slips are what opened my mind to her problem and the struggle she faces.

I applaud her for her effort, I hope that she will be able to have the experiences necessary to help her overcome this problem, not to rid herself entirely of sarcasm, but perhaps some slightly better control over it :-)

I can't help...

I'm posting today about nothing in particular. I wish I had more time to do everything. Yeah I'm sitting on campus wasting the next ten minutes writing this post, but I really don't have much else I could be doing right now. Some things take large blocks of time, like structural analysis work for example. One problem takes me about 30 min to complete, and half of that is just understanding the question. Therefore for me to start working on my structures homework right now, I'd get started and in 20 minutes I'd have to go to class and then later tonight I'd practically be starting over again thinking about what the problem is asking me to solve and how to do it. I could study for my stats test, but pretty much this first chapter has been so super easy that I'm not sure what there is to study. Finding averages is something I think I learned in like 5th grade. And so I will continue to sit here.

As of late I've been spending an extraordinarily large amount of time with a certain person, Stephanie. Pretty much if I'm not in class or sleeping (or when she's in class or sleeping) we're together. Its nice to have a constant companion like that, not one of force, but one I've chosen myself. In fact, to be honest, she's my girlfriend, and having not dated much it doesn't mean much when I say that I've never enjoyed being with someone as much as I do her, but I still say it. An interesting thought I had the other day was about some advice from my dad. He doesn't give me advice everyday, but the things he tells me are often very precise, measured, and direct advice for struggles I'm facing (and they're often accompanied by a general conference talk or BYU devotional that deals with the same subject). His dating advice has come to me in chunks over the years, and one of the most memorable sparked not by a talk or experience of his own, but by an Adam Sandler movie, '50 First Dates.' He has told me the message of making your [significant other] fall in love with you everyday is one of the best he has ever seen in a movie. As I pondered on that thought I realized that giving Steph a reason to fall in love with me every day is not something I've worked at yet... but that's because it's come naturally. Again, the limited time (two weeks of dating) may present a less than adequate knowledge, but I feel pretty optimistic for the future.

First things first: Football. I love BYU. I also love Max Hall and everything he stands for... for the most part. I don't hate EVERYthing about Utah, but for the most part. But seriously, whoever created these shirts... genius. I am very glad that BYU will be playing in the Las Vegas Bowl again, and I have good faith that we can beat Oregon State. I am also stoked for TCU vs. Boise State, Utah vs. Cal, 'Bama vs. Texas..... oh bowl season fills my soul with such joy.

Alright, secondly: dating. I know what you're thinking, I'm beating a dead horse, seriously though. I have recently performed a neat little social experiment from which I learned a great deal, and I wish to share. Now I say experiment meaning that I tried something that I had not previously done, not to say that I was doing it for 'pure science' or my heart wasn't in it. To claim such would be untruthful and unfair to the parties involved. I recently began to engage in a relationship and did so in a way that I have never done before (and I think most guys haven't). I met a girl, thought she was pretty tight, and wanted to get to know her better; I then had and took some chances to do so: took her on a date, hung out with her fairly often, and even had near daily chats on facebook (it's the daily part there that's important, not the facebook part). I made it quite obvious to her that I was interested with very little shying away or hiding that fact, not only she was aware of my interest, but surely her whole apartment (and half the ward as well). While there were those girls that I talked to about this, I never actually sought any advice from anyone, especially from her roommates, hoping to be able to make the correct decisions on my own. I tried to avoid the whole 'tell a friend so they tell a friend who tells a friend who lets her know that I like her' and went for a 'I'll tell her myself' kind of approach.

After several weeks of trying to take her on dates and getting to know her a fair amount, one evening I came straight out and told her, 'I kinda like you' after which I quickly corrected myself and said, "I like you.." and something about I'm interested in going on more dates with you and getting to know you a lot more... I don't think she was so surprised to know that as she was that I actually said it to her, but I suppose she accepted and expected my strangeness in the matter, saying that she wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, but wasn't really sure, and wanted to just see where things went, giving it more time... something like that.

So here is my first mistake: I wasn't clear on what I wanted. It seems that she interpreted 'I like you' as 'I want to date you' which, although not wholly false, was not my intention at all. Do I blame her? No. It was my own fault in not being clear and now my 20/20 hindsight has allowed me to see that I was so unclear because at the time I didn't know what I wanted. Honestly our conversation never needed to be had, I was so caught up in the novelty of being honest and straightforward that I failed to realize or think through just what I was doing.

So a week goes by (Thanksgiving, we didn't see much of each other) and a couple of days later she initiates a walk, we talk, she says, "I just don't see it going anywhere..." and shoots me down in such manner. We talked a lot though, not discussing our relationship, but just talking (like I had wanted to do from the beginning) and very much agreed that we needed to still be friends (and just friends). So it ended... and then there were a couple of awkward days where I knew that I wasn't interested in her, but I didn't know if she understood that I had gotten over it that quickly. So I wanted to talk with her and be friends, but I didn't want her to think I hadn't gotten the hint and was still trying to pursue her, but being quite sick of DTR's with her I didn't want to have to go on another walk so I let it slide, had a couple awkward days, and now things are clearing up and we're friends again. life is good.

The final couple things I learned from this are about taking time, allowing things to happen a little more naturally, and of course knowing what you really want/think/feel before trying to tell others about it. I think that I tried to make something happen when things were perfectly content they way the were. It's like a huge container of water, it's hard to spill it if it's not full, but once it is full a good bump will spill it all over.... I don't know if that makes sense at all, but it does in my mind. Another point of interest is how in the first couple weeks of being interested in her I felt really annoying, like I was pestering her, and being nosy and such. I think I had this feeling that I had to get to know her quick, that I had to do all I could as soon as I could to develop a relationship etc. because if I didn't right away then she was going to find someone else, and start dating them. Perhaps for the first time in my life I felt competitive over a girl (yay for experimentation). I don't think that it was a positive influence on the outcome, so I'll try to maintain a much more open mind, and not be so set on my own agenda form the start. That's about it I suppose... this post is much too long.

Dating vs. Hanging out

I held a facebook discussion recently. Please see the below note and ensuing comments.

Dating versus Hanging Out

the conclusion for me was basically this: communicate. If everyone is perfectly clear in all they say, and communicates what they truly mean then most problems would be solved.

Silence Resolves Nothing. hu.

Silence Resolves Nothing

I realized that this is somewhat of a dramatic blog, probably unnecessarily so. But I write when I'm emotional, and lame drama gets my blood pumping, sorry. I have a lot that I want to write right now, but I feel constrained 1) complaining never helped anything 2) I think that I need to maintain a higher level of fidelity in my relationships. Always venting to a computer helps your interpersonal skills zero, so I guess I'll have to force myself to talk to real people.

Lately I feel that my life has been a little too full of this melodrama that's been consuming me, but I am realizing that it is be cause I keep talking to other people, not involved, asking advice, getting opinions, formulating ideas and plans, but it doesn't help. The drama is still there. Hence the title of this post, "Silence resolves nothing" and as long as I don't talk to those actually involved with the situation then it will never change... *sigh* I'll have to suck it up and get on that now.

I actually just had a chance to talk with this person, but I didn't, and now I'm regretting it, but not sure if I really am.... oh gosh I'm weird. I'm actually considering not posting this, but then why would I have a blog to type, but not to post? I think not. :-D I'ma gonna sleep and work on this tomorrow now.

two princesses

One, two, princes kneel before you
(thats what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(just go ahead, now)

Have you ever had a choice to make, a choice between to good things, trying to accurately pick the 'best.' Choice A seems logical, convenient, and increasingly acceptable day by day. Choice B seems a little more difficult to attain, something that will force me to go out of my way and will probably take quite some time. It seems obvious, no? Go with choice A, the path of least resistance, right? However... I've had a nagging feeling that I really should choose B, a thought that's been in the back of my mind since..... February? It's kind of hard to ignore, but it's almost harder to follow it!!

My final reasoning is that I cannot every be satisfied with anything until I have done B, whether it works out or not. Assuming that A is in fact the 'best' answer I can only prove that by first choosing B. B must be carried through, hopefully I have the courage to do it.

thanks for reading <3

These feelings I'm feeling

Since beginning my last post I have struggled with defining how I feel about people I know not of my faith. I have given it much thought, and explored my feelings deeply. I have several friends who are not 'mormon,' and I took into account experiences with all of them that allowed me to develop my ideas here. I will try to be very generic in this analysis, but hopefully you can all still understand what I'm trying to say.

First of all, I do not think that this is a feeling that is possessed solely by me, I think this same feeling is experienced by people all over the world, any one person with a good friend, with said friend making decisions contrary to what said person thinks is "right." People are often afraid to offend their friend, such offense rising from one person trying to 'force' the other to do certain things. I say 'force' because they usually don't mean it that way, but are afraid of having their intentions come off that way. People are afraid to ruin their good relationship, a fear driven by not know what their friends reaction might be. So is it fear?

Despite any fear, such a person would continue to have a desire to talk to their friend about religion or making 'better' decisions. This desire (I think) is driven partialy by guilt. They feel guilty that by saying/doing nothing they aren't fulfilling their belief or duty to their religion and thence they feel guilty toward their religion/belief for such betrayal. A second reason for their desire could be because of their sincere belief in this religion, not so much guilt for not sharing, but a robotic programmatic response ('zombie' like you might say) that zealots of certain religions obtain through complete devotion to their religion.

Another (related) reason for their desire could be out of genuine concern/love for their friend. For me, there are a few things in this world that I love above everything else, and I love them because they fill me with joy and make this life worth living. First is the gospel of Jesus Christ (and ever family, friend, truth thing pertaining thereunto). Second is skiing. Finally is Apple computers (awesome technology in general). For me, the joy that I get from these three is enough to cause me to want to share these things with my best friend. When I love someone I want to share with them my greatest joys so they too can be joyful. I am please to report that my current direct link converts (those I've converted, not converts of converts) to skiing number around six, and to Apple around five :-) (Having spent two years doing nothing but 'converting' people to the gospel, my number there significantly higher). The point being that wanting to share joy is a valid reason for having a desire to share religion with your friends.

It goes on in an eternal balance your desire to share counter balanced with your fear of their unknown reaction. And I think for myself the only way to resolve this dilemma comes in the form of a question: Would I still be friends with them if I knew that in the end they would never join the church? Regardless of the fact that we cannot predict the future, lets assume we can, and say that the future says that friend will never share the same beliefs or live the same standards as said person, are you still friends with them?

For one friend of mine, she was never a member of my church, she never shared standards, though she was an overall 'good person'. I do not fear offending her because our relationship was never based in the church. Another friend I made in Washington was in my ward there. Since our parting he has left the church, and I have little desire to see him again, simply because our original connection no longer exists. Finally the friend who sparked this train of thoughts, though our original connection was through the church, or friendship developed over a long period of time and transcended, religion, age, or sexual preference.... Some friends really are forever.

If you read all of that, I'm impressed, if you feel like you just wasted ten minutes of your life please let me know and I'll do my best to get it back to you ;-)

Photons

I didn't cry when my I found out my grandpa died (though I did at the funeral).
I didn't cry when my first 'love' broke up with me (though I wanted to).
I didn't cry when I got fired from the best job ever.
I didn't cry when my girlfriend of five months broke up with me.

I did cry after seeing my best friend for the first time in a year.

Over this past year he's led a life that I don't agree with, a lifestyle that he actually begun about four years ago. He turned 23 this week, making it four years since he turned 19 and decided not to go on a mission, about a year later he turned 20, and turned gay. A bounce house of events moved him from SUU to UVU, back home to Elk Ridge, and finally up to UofU. I saw him a year ago when I first came back down to Utah for school, and hadn't seen him since though we have continued to acknowledge each others existence through facebook, commenting on statuses and pictures and the like.

Yesterday, I went up to Salt Lake (Sugarhouse to be exact) and visited him at his work (Olive Garden). I went at a slow hour so he has plenty of time to talk with me, we talked about school, classes, majors, how different life is now than in high school. We didn't really talk about anything super important, but we talked, and that is what I feel was important. Another old friend of ours works there at the same place, she gave me dinner and cheese cake for free (I will forever love you Loni for that), and I left. I got in the car, started driving home, thinking about how much I fun I'd just had and within six blocks I was crying. I honestly don't know why. I suppose it was partly because I was so happy to have seen them, partly because I was again remembering my great love for them, and perhaps partly I was sad that we weren't better friends.

I want to let it be know that I do not find fault in him, I do not feel betrayed or that he is a bad person. Simply stated, my own beliefs in the gospel of Jesus Christ tell me that the decisions he has made are not the ones that will bring greatest happiness, but I do not expect anyone else to live their life by what I believe, they would then be living my life, and that would just be weird, I believe in agency .... more on that subject: next post.

The Story of Some Talents

I once knew a pair of twin sisters who loved to dance. These sisters, Amy and Emily, had gotten into clogging while they were still pretty young and by high school they were on teams that toured around and they had not only become very good at dancing, but they grew more and more in love with dancing. I met these two in our freshman year at college and they were on some dance team, practicing often and having awesome performances. I was friends with not only Amy and Emily, but also their four other roommates, a handful of some of the funnest people I've ever met. I would often spend my days hanging out at their apartment, doing homework, talking nonsense, doing dishes... you know it's only been four years since then, but I have a hard time remembering just what it was I was doing there. I remember it was relaxing to be at their apartment, I felt at home.

Something I will probably always remember though, was once sitting idly in their kitchen while Emily was cooking some food. As she stood at the stove stirring her noodles (or whatever it was she was cooking) she was softly bouncing as her toes and heels tapped out rhythms from their dance routine. For me it was a small indication of just how much these girls LOVED to dance, more than anything else, and how it permeated their entire lives. I went to a large dance show that winter 'Christmas Around the World' and as I watched them dance I couldn't imagine them being any happier. Their smiles were just so huge and full of joy.

Yesterday I went to the dance devotional and saw them again dancing some amazing pieces, again with engaging and full smiles permanent on their faces. It really made me enjoy the performance that much more because I felt like I really knew how much they were enjoying the performance, and also how much work, effort, and practice they had put into it. I began to reflect on other people I know that shine while performing and I could recall various others who when dancing, singing, acting, or even cooking, would grown between their ears the largest and fullest smile possible. Such a smile is contagious I think, and blesses those who see it.

I think there is a lesson to be learned here about sharing talents. If there's something that you love that much, and you can do it at a performance level then it can truly become a great blessing to those you share it with. Perhaps hidden away in us all is the happiness of doing what we love and it is my prayer today that we can discover it, do it, and use it to bless others.

p.s. in the first picture Amy is the first full face you can see on from the left, and in the second she's up and to the right of the guy right in the middle. I guess she's more photogenic, I couldn't find any pictures of Emily, and actually another of their roommates, April, is also in the ensemble now.

Simplicity in Society

I have had many a thought about this, and today I wish to put my thoughts on to paper. I have discovered the addicting draw of facebook's ever popular 'Like' button. (And just a side note, it bothers me a lot that the word facebook isn't in my computer's dictionary.... oh, just fixed that one). For those of you less familiar with facebook, the 'Like' button is just a little button you can click in reference to any thing someone else has posted, a picture, a comment, a story, really anything that happens on facebook you can 'Like' it. Other options include making a comment, you could also write on someone's wall, or even send them a personal message. I believe that I have just ranked these actions based on the likelihood of being done, you only send a personal message if you feel it very important to convey specific information to certain people, a wall message is a social move that could engage a electronic conversation, then a comment is something that many people may reply to or make additional comments too, however the expectation for such is much lower. Finally the 'Like' button is something you can do, allowing a person to see that you have read thier post, seen thier pictures, and you enjoyed it however this leaves you with no social obligation to explain why you like it, to try to be funny, to try and begin a conversation... anything at all, it's extraordinarily non-committal. In fact, I would almost go as far as to say it is quite empty, a lower form of communication than even the 'high-five.'

I'm not saying I'm against 'Liking' things; no, no, I do it all the time, and I love it when people 'like' my stuff. Granted I am much more pleased to see actual comments and the occasional wall post for me, but all the same I believe the 'Like' button has found its useful niche in conveying vague interest but without the binding commitment of a conversation. I think that this point is somewhat proven by the fact of it's existence, and furthermore by it's seeming popularity of usage. I do however wonder if that is a good, bad, or even if it could be considered a societal trend at all. That trend would be the decreasing person relationships and drifting toward more empty, ambiguous, and noncommittal modes of communication.

I find it interesting that people I met in high school, but were never really friends with I can 'Like' things they do, and they to me, and yet our lack-of-an-actual-friendship continues, it amuses me.

here's some other ideas on the subject: Wall Street Journal and Elder Bednar