<this is just me talking a lot, please ignore>

First things first: Football. I love BYU. I also love Max Hall and everything he stands for... for the most part. I don't hate EVERYthing about Utah, but for the most part. But seriously, whoever created these shirts... genius. I am very glad that BYU will be playing in the Las Vegas Bowl again, and I have good faith that we can beat Oregon State. I am also stoked for TCU vs. Boise State, Utah vs. Cal, 'Bama vs. Texas..... oh bowl season fills my soul with such joy.

Alright, secondly: dating. I know what you're thinking, I'm beating a dead horse, seriously though. I have recently performed a neat little social experiment from which I learned a great deal, and I wish to share. Now I say experiment meaning that I tried something that I had not previously done, not to say that I was doing it for 'pure science' or my heart wasn't in it. To claim such would be untruthful and unfair to the parties involved. I recently began to engage in a relationship and did so in a way that I have never done before (and I think most guys haven't). I met a girl, thought she was pretty tight, and wanted to get to know her better; I then had and took some chances to do so: took her on a date, hung out with her fairly often, and even had near daily chats on facebook (it's the daily part there that's important, not the facebook part). I made it quite obvious to her that I was interested with very little shying away or hiding that fact, not only she was aware of my interest, but surely her whole apartment (and half the ward as well). While there were those girls that I talked to about this, I never actually sought any advice from anyone, especially from her roommates, hoping to be able to make the correct decisions on my own. I tried to avoid the whole 'tell a friend so they tell a friend who tells a friend who lets her know that I like her' and went for a 'I'll tell her myself' kind of approach.

After several weeks of trying to take her on dates and getting to know her a fair amount, one evening I came straight out and told her, 'I kinda like you' after which I quickly corrected myself and said, "I like you.." and something about I'm interested in going on more dates with you and getting to know you a lot more... I don't think she was so surprised to know that as she was that I actually said it to her, but I suppose she accepted and expected my strangeness in the matter, saying that she wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, but wasn't really sure, and wanted to just see where things went, giving it more time... something like that.

So here is my first mistake: I wasn't clear on what I wanted. It seems that she interpreted 'I like you' as 'I want to date you' which, although not wholly false, was not my intention at all. Do I blame her? No. It was my own fault in not being clear and now my 20/20 hindsight has allowed me to see that I was so unclear because at the time I didn't know what I wanted. Honestly our conversation never needed to be had, I was so caught up in the novelty of being honest and straightforward that I failed to realize or think through just what I was doing.

So a week goes by (Thanksgiving, we didn't see much of each other) and a couple of days later she initiates a walk, we talk, she says, "I just don't see it going anywhere..." and shoots me down in such manner. We talked a lot though, not discussing our relationship, but just talking (like I had wanted to do from the beginning) and very much agreed that we needed to still be friends (and just friends). So it ended... and then there were a couple of awkward days where I knew that I wasn't interested in her, but I didn't know if she understood that I had gotten over it that quickly. So I wanted to talk with her and be friends, but I didn't want her to think I hadn't gotten the hint and was still trying to pursue her, but being quite sick of DTR's with her I didn't want to have to go on another walk so I let it slide, had a couple awkward days, and now things are clearing up and we're friends again. life is good.

The final couple things I learned from this are about taking time, allowing things to happen a little more naturally, and of course knowing what you really want/think/feel before trying to tell others about it. I think that I tried to make something happen when things were perfectly content they way the were. It's like a huge container of water, it's hard to spill it if it's not full, but once it is full a good bump will spill it all over.... I don't know if that makes sense at all, but it does in my mind. Another point of interest is how in the first couple weeks of being interested in her I felt really annoying, like I was pestering her, and being nosy and such. I think I had this feeling that I had to get to know her quick, that I had to do all I could as soon as I could to develop a relationship etc. because if I didn't right away then she was going to find someone else, and start dating them. Perhaps for the first time in my life I felt competitive over a girl (yay for experimentation). I don't think that it was a positive influence on the outcome, so I'll try to maintain a much more open mind, and not be so set on my own agenda form the start. That's about it I suppose... this post is much too long.