Photons

I didn't cry when my I found out my grandpa died (though I did at the funeral).
I didn't cry when my first 'love' broke up with me (though I wanted to).
I didn't cry when I got fired from the best job ever.
I didn't cry when my girlfriend of five months broke up with me.

I did cry after seeing my best friend for the first time in a year.

Over this past year he's led a life that I don't agree with, a lifestyle that he actually begun about four years ago. He turned 23 this week, making it four years since he turned 19 and decided not to go on a mission, about a year later he turned 20, and turned gay. A bounce house of events moved him from SUU to UVU, back home to Elk Ridge, and finally up to UofU. I saw him a year ago when I first came back down to Utah for school, and hadn't seen him since though we have continued to acknowledge each others existence through facebook, commenting on statuses and pictures and the like.

Yesterday, I went up to Salt Lake (Sugarhouse to be exact) and visited him at his work (Olive Garden). I went at a slow hour so he has plenty of time to talk with me, we talked about school, classes, majors, how different life is now than in high school. We didn't really talk about anything super important, but we talked, and that is what I feel was important. Another old friend of ours works there at the same place, she gave me dinner and cheese cake for free (I will forever love you Loni for that), and I left. I got in the car, started driving home, thinking about how much I fun I'd just had and within six blocks I was crying. I honestly don't know why. I suppose it was partly because I was so happy to have seen them, partly because I was again remembering my great love for them, and perhaps partly I was sad that we weren't better friends.

I want to let it be know that I do not find fault in him, I do not feel betrayed or that he is a bad person. Simply stated, my own beliefs in the gospel of Jesus Christ tell me that the decisions he has made are not the ones that will bring greatest happiness, but I do not expect anyone else to live their life by what I believe, they would then be living my life, and that would just be weird, I believe in agency .... more on that subject: next post.